Not making progress on your goals? Here's probably why.
Posted on September 18, 2019 by Nicky Roberts, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Do you think of yourself as lazy, or self-sabotaging? If so, read this article and understand an underlying problem keeping you stuck.
My client yawned. Her eyes glazed over, and I took that as the cue to end our coaching session.
We had been working on the subject of emotional eating. My client is a courageous woman. She consciously decided to work through her food issues.
We’re a few weeks into it. In the first week, playing on the surface, I could tell it was quite easy. Now, six weeks into it, we’re starting to work the stuff that matters, the beliefs, thoughts, and assumptions she keeps well guarded, the stuff that keeps her from making progress. It’s exhausting for her.
One of the reasons it’s exhausting is because she’s fighting me (and herself).
Why would she do that? Hasn’t she chosen to do the work? Isn’t she paying good money to be coached?
She doesn’t want to, not consciously.
She’s resisting because, on some level, there’s a part of her that’s not wholly buying why she should change. Change is difficult. Why do this difficult thing if you’re not 100% sure that’s it worth it?
Maybe you’ve had this experience yourself? You’ve asked for help, or you’re trying to change a habit, and it just seems to be going nowhere.
You want to exercise more, but you don’t find the time.
You want to meditate, but you find yourself doing things to avoid it.
You want to stop eating chocolate, but you pick up four slabs of the stuff when you go to Walgreens.
And then you “Yes, but…” your way through a conversation with a friend who’s trying to help you.
What needs to happen to move past this confusion?
>> Get crystal clear on the what and the why? <<
The What
What exactly is it that you want to achieve?
For example, you may want to get healthy, but that’s not clear enough. Get laser-focused.
What would being healthy look like to you, specifically?
What will you feel? What will you be able to do that you can’t do now?
Create a compelling vision for yourself, and you will find it easier to follow through on the actions you need to take.
The Why
Why is this worth doing?
Why is this so important that you’d be willing to change your habits? Why give up comfort and familiarity? Unless you can come up with some good reasons, it’s going to be very difficult for you to follow through.
The clearer and more emotionally connected you are to your “what” and “why,” the easier it will be to make the changes and get the results – good health – that you want. Self-sabotage is just a sign that you’re not clear yet about what you want and why you want it.
