The 3 Pillars of Charisma

Posted on February 19, 2019 by Nomi Malik, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

I remember accompanying my wife at a gala for her work a few years ago clenching her hand with my sweaty palm as though it was a life jacket. We painfully moved from boring conversation to boring conversation. I was in that mood again. You know that mood of feeling anxious and in your head and just waiting for it to be over so you could get temporary reprieve from that sharp twinge of insecurity. Sure, I would’ve loved to have made some connections that night and had everyone laughing at all my jokes and hanging on to every last word, but that’s not me. I wasn’t born with those talents. Plus, I’m not really that interesting anyway.

We eventually made our way to one of my wife’s work colleagues, Jen, who’s attending the event with her husband. Without pause, Jen’s husband looks me square in the eyes, nodding his head as he extends his hand and says to me, “Hey man, you enjoying this crazy event? I’m Travis.” I reply, “Uh, yeah it’s great”. There was something different about this guy. He wasn’t particularly good looking or anything, but there was an intensity and presence to him that I hadn’t felt from anyone else we’d talked to. He smiled and looked at my wife as though they were long lost friends and with exaggerated and sweeping hand gestures said “yeah, Jen always drags me out to these things and I hate them at first, but then I have a couple of great conversations with a few folks and before I know it, I’m really enjoying myself.” Really? Was he attending the same event I was at? By my count, there wasn’t a single interesting person here. Until now.

I couldn’t put my finger on it, but there was a relaxed ease with which Travis spoke. So much so that I found myself actually feeling more relaxed and engaged around him. And, as much as I hated to admit it, so did my wife! For the next several minutes, Travis would tell us stories about what felt like the most mundane shit but man, he had us hanging on his every word. Before you think that this guy was just a narcissistic alpha male who was putting on a show, the best part about him was that he was as engaged in everyone else’s stories as he was in telling his own. On top of that, he laughed harder than anyone else at my jokes. I never felt as funny and as “on” as I felt around Travis. As he talked to the group, he didn’t just fixate on one of us – like most of my wife’s friends seemed to do and, as a consequence, leaving me feeling like I wasn’t even there. But Travis took great care spending time focusing on each of us as though we were the most important people in the room. He exuded what felt like innate God-given charisma. Was he just wired differently than the rest of us? No matter, I wanted what he had. But, I wasn’t sure how to get it.

I was so affected by Travis’s seeming mastery of social interactions that I spent the next several months researching charisma and trying to understand what Travis was doing differently than everyone else. He not only came across as an extremely likable and interesting guy, but he also seemed to be enjoying himself way more than everyone else. Over time, I’d grow to understand that what Travis had excelled at was a near mastery of three core skills that, when used together, created the experience of charisma. Those three skills are: presence, eye contact and body language.

Of course, there’s more to charisma than presence, eye contact and body language, but all of my research has led me to believe that charisma, ultimately, comes down to those three fundamental skills that, when practiced, can transform the way you experience life and the way others experience you!

I spent the next several months practicing the shit out of each of those three skills. I’d practice them, then I’d go out during social interactions and try them out. At first, it didn’t go very well. It felt super forced. But, over time, as I continued to practice, things got more natural. I was able to more easily focus on the present moment. I was no longer afraid of the tension that builds up with sustained eye contact. I walked into rooms with body language that clearly indicated that I was a confident person. I got so good at it that friends of mine noticed and asked me to teach it to them. So, for the fun of it, I would help guide them through exercises that would improve their presence, eye contact and body language. Eventually, some of those friends encouraged me to teach others and maybe even make a living from it.

So, I took that encouragement, established a social charisma coaching business and then created what I call the Core-3 Charisma Method – a training program that is meticulously designed to systematically improve your presence, eye contact and body language. I now believe that anyone can learn these skills if they’re motivated to improve their social interactions and have the dedication to stick with a regimented training program.

I’ll be honest with you. The Core-3 Charisma Method training program is hard. If developing the skills that it teaches was easy, everyone would be walking around with shit-loads of charisma (like Don Draper above). We all know that’s not true. Only a dedicated few will be able to improve their skills to a level where they’ve shifted from having anxiety in social interactions to being able to walk into a room and command attention. If you think you might be one of those people and want to learn whether or not the Core-3 Charisma Method is right for you, schedule a free consultation and I’ll be happy to provide more information so that you can make the right decision for you. If the Core-3 Charisma Method is not right for you, I’m happy to recommend many other charisma coaching programs out there that may be a better fit for your journey!

Nomi
Social Charisma Coach