Let's Talk About Intimacy - Part 4

Posted on September 08, 2018 by Caterina Barregar, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

The First Date

The day has finally arrived for the first date with your crush. You are excited. Whether you are male or female, gay, straight, trans, or however your identify, this is a wonderful day for all of you. For the sake of clarity, I will be using the example of a male female dating situation in these articles.

It’s exciting, and for most it can be a nerve wracking day. On the outside, you might look confident, and put together, but on the inside, you are thinking, and then over thinking what you will wear, what to talk about, and so on.

Don’t worry so much. Your date, asked you out because they like you. YOU. Not the clothes you wear, not the car your drive, whether you have had a mani pedi, or a hair cut. They like you. Having said that, you do want to present yourself in a way that is attractive and appropriate for wherever the date will be, but honestly, they will love you if you just show up as yourself, and enjoy the date.

Make sure you are on time. No one likes to be kept waiting. If you have to be late, (don’t do it, it makes a bad impression) then call. Make sure your date knows that you will be late. Do not just leave them hanging.

Some people like to bring gifts to their dates. That is lovely, but don’t go overboard (that can make you look desperate) . Something small, and from the heart, will be perfect.

Conversation. Many people get super nervous about what they will talk about during the date. Easy does it. All you have to do is be yourself. Ask them questions about themselves. Traditionally, people on first dates used to stay away from hot topics like politics, news, past lovers, personal finances, or any negative conversations.

People are so informed these days, that it’s sometimes hard to stay away from certain topics. All I want you to remember, is to stay away from conversations about your previous relationships. The first date is about the two of you, not the baggage of the past. If you do need to talk about it, make it short and move on to more interesting topics.

Humor is an awesome ice breaker, and its fun to flirt and interject some humorous along the way.

There is no real time limit on how long the date lasts, that’s up to you guys. If you are having fun and connecting on a deep level, then spend more time. If you are finding it a drain, or you want to go home, do so.

Who pays? That is completely up to the two of you. Traditionally, it was always the male in a male female scenario. In today’s society, things have changed. Women often offer, and sometimes, if the relationship progresses, it would be nice for the woman to create a romantic date, and pay for it. Men like paying, but they also enjoy it when the woman creates something special for them too.

At the end of the date, most people these days kiss, at the very least. Remember tho, that depending on what kind of relationship you are hoping to have with your date, will definitely help you decide how far you will go on the first date. Being too familiar, and too ready to jump in, will not be suitable for something long term in most cases. If you want something casual, all good, just make sure that is what you really want, and that the other person is aware, and willing. For those of you looking for something more permanent, take your time. Be slow and intentional in your actions, and at the same time let them know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you want more.

Second dates. Yay, you made it through the first date. So who asks for the second date? Well, it seems that this rule has changed as well. In the old days, it was the man that asked for the second date. The women of today are more confident and are absolutely not shy about letting their potential partner know that they are interested. So ask. If they are interested, there will definitely be a second date. If not, move on. Enjoy the journey. Each date you have, that did not turn into a second date, will teach you something that will help you have better dates in the future. It’s not about being rejected. Dating is a terrific way to learn what kind of mate you want. It’s an amazing way to learn about red flags, and how to spot the type of behaviours that you simply cannot tolerate. So whether it’s a yes or a no for the second date, you win. Remember that.

Wherever your first date takes you, whether you go out for dinner, coffee, a walk or whatever you decide to do, have fun, relax, and be in the moment. Wishing you so much joy on your first date.

Need help building and nurturing relationships? Contact me.

Blessings,

Caterina