Let's Talk About Intimacy - Part 1

Posted on September 03, 2018 by Caterina Barregar, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

In the past few weeks, I have been sharing some tips on how to have better relationships with others. This blog, will be the first in a series of blogs about relationships when it comes to intimacy, love and sex.

We often associate intimacy with sex, and my hope over the coming weeks is to help those of you who are thinking of entering into a new relationship, or rekindling one, to understand that there is so much more to intimacy than just the act of sex.

When you meet someone, there may or may not be an instant attraction. If there is however, you will likely want to move into an intimate situation with them pretty quickly. That’s natural.

The key to any long lasting relationship is to begin by both parties intending to baby steps, and be slow and intentional in getting to know each other, connecting, and taking things to the next level.

All too often, we want to jump right into bed with someone, but if you are looking for a real, loving, long lasting relationship, that’s not the way to do it. It’s important to understand the difference between casual relationships, and those that are meant to stand the test of time.

I have often spoken about what happens when the outer shell (the shape of your body, the beauty of your face etc.) age, and how our beauty or rugged handsomeness changes over time. There is so much more to each of us, that has nothing to do with the outer shell. Many, seek out the one who has certain physical attributes, when in reality, it isn’t actually about that. Studies have shown the opposite. Self esteem, and a kind heart, play a huge part in how you attract a mate.

When you meet someone and there is chemistry, yes, you want to enjoy them on a physical level. And that’s cool. Just be aware of what type of relationship you want to move into.

Make sure that your potential partner is on the same page as you are. If they are not, then hurt feelings and resentment could arise for one or both people involved.

There are so many variations on the theme.

Casual relationships

Monogamous relationships

Long Distance relationships

Marriage

and so much more

Tips on how to begin;

Get to know each other, by talking, texting, spending time together. Ask questions. This actually gives you the opportunity to see if you want to invest the time and energy into this person or if you want to move on. Do give it a chance tho. In today’s society, you might miss your soulmate if you are in the habit of scrolling thru dating profiles. Something needs to click between you, and it doesn’t have to be anything big.

There is just a certain something that keeps bringing you together. You don’t need to have the same hobbies, be joined at the hip, or even have the same friends.

Spend time together. OMG. It’s not that hard to do. Create memories that you can revisit later. Creating and revisiting memories is pretty important as you build a relationship and intimacy, because thinking about those memories will give you a warm feeling and it’s always nice to cuddle up on the couch, and just reminisce about the good times together. It’s a beautiful thing to do.

Learn what turns your partner on, both in the bedroom and out of the bedroom. What are they interested in? What do they dislike? What blows their hair back? Showing genuine interest to your partner or potential partner, is key to building on your relationship.

Get to know their family and friends. For some this is a tough one, for many reasons. Some people are very shy about meeting the families and friends of potential lovers, and some are truly not ready to do so because they aren’t in it for a relationship, they are in it for something more casual.

Do something nice for your potential lover. Don’t be nervous about this. And for the women out there, who are still wondering if the guy is supposed to chase, or if you are supposed to let them know that you are interested, here’s the deal.

Men love the chase. They love it. And truthfully, most women love to be chased. Having said that, there are some very powerful women, (alpha females) that enjoy chasing their intended as well and it takes a strong person to be able to accept advances from a female.

If you are older, then you have already been chased around the block a few times, and its your choice. Some guys love a strong and powerful female who lets them know how they feel, and what they want. Most of the time, I suggest that you let the man come to you, and when he does, you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is very interested in deepening a relationship with you. Most women in my age group, are already firmly established in their own life, and want someone to compliment them, to be their companion.

Create romantic moments. Do something romantic or something unexpectedly kind for them on a weekly basis.

People just behave differently when we show them how much we care.

You will know when someone is a potential lover by the way they behave. It’s the little things that you can do for them that will make all the difference in the world.

Lets remember tho, that real life can sometimes resemble a romantic movie, but in real life, we might be very disappointed if the romance doesn’t resemble a Hallmark movie every day of the week.

Romance comes in the little gestures that your partner or potential partner offers you.

They might shovel your walk in the snow, or turn on your seat heater, and then ask if you are warm enough a few minutes later. There are little things that your potential partner might do that might be missed if you are looking for some grand gesture such as something you saw in a movie.

When getting to know someone, ask questions. Here are some examples of what you might become curious about!

What is their favourite colour?

What kinds of books do they like to read?

What music to they love?

Do they like to cook?

Do they like to travel?

What is their favourite food?

What sport do they enjoy?

Do they like children?

Do they like pets?

Do they have a good relationship with family and friends?

These are all conversations that you can have and its very cool when you can both find something in common. You certainly don’t have to have many things in common, but you will find that there are certain hobbies, or activities that you can enjoy together.

Caterina Barregar