Healthy Parenting - What do your children really need from you?
Posted on July 25, 2015 by Juliann Calvey, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
What does your child really need from you? A parent! Not a friend, not a school, but a parent!
Healthy parenting – with all due respect to you, as parenting is hard work
What does your child really need from you? A parent! Not a friend, not a school, but a parent! Your child will tell you exactly what he or she needs if you are listening, whether it be attention in whatever form. To be with him/her while they draw, watch movies, play music. Your child needs your Love, as a parent.
If you are in a divorced situation the following may apply: One of both of you may hold way too much guilt and often use the children as pawns by putting them in the middle of the mess between you and your ex.. This is not parenting, this is manipulation. As your children learn from you they will become manipulators. They will learn how to get what they want from you not by asking, but by BEING the pawn which you have created. Buying unneeded gifts in order to earn your love is not Love. They need your respect and they need you to respect them as individuals.
So here we go. Below are seven guidelines you can put into practice for healthy parenting to bring up healthy kids not matter what the circumstances, with no one to blame.
Seven practical concepts for successful parenting:
1.) Be consistent. When you say no, mean it. When you say yes, mean it. If your child thinks he can get what he wants by asking 100 times he will ask 100 times.
2.) Set boundaries. Children NEED boundaries, else they know not what to do. Boundaries help them to be happy and secure. Studies prove that children do not want to live in a world without limits. Boundaries protect them, nurture them and guide them into adulthood.
3.) Allow children to grow into themselves. They are not extensions of you. That is not why you had them.
4.) Watch for and encourage all positive behavior. Praise them and congratulate them. This would e a great time for a special treat.
5.) Punish rebellion, not mistakes. We make mistakes in order to learn from them. Don’t you? If one grows up believe they can’t make a mistake this could lead to perfectionism which is self-limiting. Allow your child to experience whatever they like, to discover all of their aspects and make mistakes along the way. Help them to pick themselves up, brush themselves off and start all over again.
6.) As I said above, never use your child as a pawn between you and your spouse or ex. If one of you says no the child must know that he/she cannot run to the other parent to get what he wants. This results instability in the home, even if the home resides in two places. In addition, and more importantly, it results in an inner instability.
7.) Your children learn behaviors from the top – that means you. As your children model you they will make life choices that are healthy or unhealthy. Please be mindful of this.
Have FUN with your kids!
Julie Calvey
