Discomfort with Change - There Is Help!
Posted on February 21, 2013 by Raz ("Roz") Mason, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
We know with making changes of any kind that there will be bumps in the road. This is normal. Really!
The good news is that there are ways to successfully work through whatever may come up… With the result that you will successfully and incrementally progress toward lasting change.
But first, it helps to reconsider some of the things we’ve been taught about life.
MYTH: “If life is hard/painful/uncomfortable, I must be messing up.”
TRUTH: Everyone experiences pain, discomfort, loss, sadness, self-doubt, and shame. Usually, everyone is so busy trying to hide it that when we look around, we may feel we are the only ones struggling. In fact, there are just a lot of people trying to fake it!
When we accept that pain and discomfort are natural parts of life, it frees up a lot of our attention and energy. We don’t have to spend so much time trying to talk ourselves out of what we feel. Which, parenthetically, never works anyway.
Have you heard the saying, “What you resist persists”? That’s a scientific fact! (If you want to learn more, visit the Association for Contextual Based Science’s website – http://contextualscience.org/video. This link goes to a page full of free videos.)
What can we do instead? Two things that go together:
Part 1: Just notice and compassionately accept what you’re feeling. Our feelings will shift and change as we give them their due. Notice also if you’re trying anything to avoid or change this feeling/worrisome thought. If you are, it will likely stick around! (Again, “what we resist persists.”)
Part 2: Now here’s the good news: We can pick one small, next action that will help us move toward what we really want. Some of those might be healthy actions, like preparing a healthy meal or taking a walk around the block. Some might be things related to “life management,” like cleaning up or sorting papers. Perhaps some might be related to your work or profession. Whatever it is, it helps to remember why this next step or action is important to you. If it’s not related to what you deeply long for or value – maybe some reflection followed by change is in order!
This approach to change described above has lots of scientific evidence for it – including in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). An excellent starter book I recommend is the following: Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. I also like this website: www.todoinstitute.org, which offers similar ideas, but based in Japanese practices.
If you feel you would like a collaborator in working through this, grab a friend, keep each other honest, and study together. Or, if you’d like focused, personalized attention, feel free to contact me about coaching.
Remember, pick the next positive thing that occurs to you to do. And after you’ve made even small progress on a task, pause long enough to notice and appreciate yourself for the effort!
