Attached Parenting: Is it Spoiling Your Child?

Posted on November 14, 2012 by Maria Goldblatt, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

We live in a society where any form of dependency or attachment is believed to be unhealthy. Oftentimes, it is believed that when a child is attached to their parent and they share a close bond, they are being spoiled. People will often say things like, “It’s good to let babies cry”, or “Don’t pick the baby up so much, they are going to become clingy or spoiled”. Now take a minute and think about the direction our society is going and how much harder disciplining children has become. I imagine that many parents don’t identify the association between the two. However, they are very closely related.

Dr. Sears is an expert on attachment parenting and has discussed the benefits it has had on children. Some key points that I happen to agree with, that are benefits of attachment parenting include: higher IQ and intelligence, better behavior and less disciplinarian issues, a stronger sense of security and independence in the long term. It is understandable why there may be some confusion in how holding your baby often and not letting them cry doesn’t cause spoiling, but studies have shown the exact opposite to be the case. One thing that people don’t realize is that with attached parenting, parents have an opportunity to learn their child’s language and every time that child cries, that parent immediately understands what the child is in need of. This isn’t spoiling a child, it is being in tune with their cues. As a parent, we are responsible for provide our children with all their primary needs, which include food, shelter, love, security, a sense of fulfillment, etc. We should not punish our child by withholding our love and affection, this will only lead to mistrust and bad behavior in the future.

Parents may wonder, “What do I do once I’m past this phase with my child and I failed to provide them with a healthy attachment and now I’m starting to experience issues at school and at home around behavior?” Well be assured, it’s never too late to work on these issues with your child. The older a child gets, the more challenging it becomes to break habits and patterns and it will be much more work on the parent’s part. As a parent one would have to ask themselves, “How important is it for me to make this change? Is this worth all the effort I will need to put in? Will my child really change?” The answer, YES! But there is a certain level of commitment and time that needs to go into this. Parents must stick with their commitment if they are serious about promoting change. Remember, children are a part of our society. It is our job as parents to mold them into stand up, moral and responsible members of society so that we can release them back into the world and that they may lead a purpose driven life.

Luckily there are many resources for parents and one of my greatest suggestions to parents is to READ READ READ! I recommend Dr. Sears book, “The Attachment Parenting Book”, which provides great insight on the true meaning of attached parenting. In addition, finding a good support network with other parents is critical, where obtaining feedback and support is very dire. I would also suggest working with a life coach so that someone could play that one on one role when issue have become completely out of control with children. I would strongly suggest coaching for the fastest results and best outcome.

Best of luck on your journey of parenting and remember the answers are always in today.