Love, Happiness and Intimacy: How do we sustain them?

Posted on November 09, 2012 by Maria Goldblatt, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

When thinking about romance, it seems pretty clear cut what it entails. There’s passion, connection with another individual and a desire for oneness. Oftentimes, when the romance is new, it seems easy to put our best foot forward and make every effort to make the other person happy. This could mean anything from good, open communication to sexual compatibility. But as time goes on, and a certain level of trust and commitment are secured, what happens? Is that effort and energy sustained? Are these actions still desired in the relationship, or were they just pawns in the game of love? Do we make these efforts only to ensure that we capture our partner then all of sudden feel like making an effort is no longer necessary?

This seems to be a very common mistake made in relationships and oftentimes, usually after marriage, couples feel like they have already achieved their “goal”, so they no longer believe they have to put any effort into maintaining the relationship. BIG MISTAKE! When this occurs, there will be a sudden increase in resentment, decrease in sexual intimacy and in some cases, infidelity. Although cheating is never a justified form of betrayal, there is usually an underlying reason why some people make the choice to seek love and attention outside of the relationship.

So where do couples go from there? How do they rekindle that desire and motivation they once had? Is this possible; are these relationships salvageable? There’s really only one way of answering that. The only way anything can be fixed or resolved is by first acknowledging that there is a problem. Once a couple becomes aware that things have changed and realize that they are unhappy, both parties have to look at themselves individually to see how they may have contributed to the challenges in their relationship. Once they have identified their individual parts, they need to take action.

What does this action look like? That of course depends on what’s involved. Sometimes, as time goes on, individuals create a story in their minds of what they perceive their relationship to be. Sometimes individuals create emotional barriers between themselves and their partner without realizing it. Whatever the problem, it’s important that these individuals understand that it’s going to take time to change their thought process, behaviors and habits. The way that attitudes, behaviors and beliefs were developed over time, new habits, behaviors and beliefs will also take time to blossom. Now the question is, how hard are these couples willing to fight for their relationship? Are they willing to do the work involved to move forward? Are they willing to invest this time and energy?

We live in a society that values letting go and moving on to the extent of giving up altogether. This is not only applicable to relationships; this is also very much the case with careers, homes, religion, etc. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a privilege to live in a society where we have so many rights and free will to the point that we are allowed to change our minds over and over again without being frowned upon. But sometimes when given this much freedom of choice, some individuals believe it makes it okay to quit every time things don’t go their way. This relieves them of accountability for their choices.

So how do these couples begin on this new journey? Where do they go? There are many paths that they can take to resolve these problems. But in a fast paced society like we live in today, people want results fast. With life coaching, couples have the opportunity to identify what specific areas in their relationship need work and set goals to begin this process. There is no focus on the past and dredging up old hurt and resentment. Clearly, these issues should be addressed in therapy. However, when it comes to doing the work to actually fix the specific everyday problems in a relationship and taking necessary action, life coaching is the way to go.

Life coaching provides individuals with the push they need to take action in their lives. Not only do life coaches guide these individuals on their journey, they also partner with them to set goals and hold them accountable for their decisions. It’s up to the individual to do the necessary work to be successful. It’s up to the individual to make the change. All we ever really have is today, so why wait?