How to Make Friends When You Feel Lonely: Start With Yourself
Posted on March 31, 2025 by Ola Gramovich, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Loneliness often starts within. Discover how befriending yourself first leads to deeper, more authentic connections with others.
That ache of loneliness – we’ve all felt it. You might be asking, “How do I make friends?” But here’s the counterintuitive truth: the solution begins with looking inward.
The Friendship Paradox
Before seeking connections with others, there’s essential work to do. Many people struggling with loneliness share common thought patterns:
“I’m not good enough at…”
“I wish I could’ve been more…”
“I can’t do this because…”
These aren’t just passing thoughts – they’re inner limitations that create barriers to connection. When you’re constantly judging yourself, you project that energy outward, making genuine friendships harder to form.
The Root of Loneliness
Here’s the uncomfortable reality: Your loneliness might stem from not truly knowing yourself. If you’re constantly trying to be someone you’re not, or hiding parts of yourself you deem unworthy, you’ll struggle to form authentic bonds.
When you understand and embrace who you really are – quirks, imperfections and all – something magical happens. You begin attracting people who appreciate the real you. Friendships form more naturally because you’re coming from a place of wholeness rather than neediness.
Your 2-Step Solution to Lasting Connections
1. Understand yourself first
Spend time getting curious about who you are beneath the self-judgments. What lights you up? What are your unique qualities? Journal, meditate, or try new experiences to discover more about yourself.
2. Release your inner blocks
Challenge those “not good enough” stories. Would you say these things to a dear friend? Practice self-compassion and watch how your capacity for friendship grows.
As you do this inner work, you’ll naturally begin creating more fun experiences and meaningful conversations. The friendships that form will be deeper because they’re based on the real you – not a version of yourself you think others will like.
Remember: The path out of loneliness starts with the relationship you have with yourself. When you befriend yourself first, the whole world opens up.
