Emotional Dysregulation & RSD: Shut Bitches Up (Without Gaslighting yourself!)

Posted on February 20, 2025 by Coach Jen Bee, CALC, One of Thousands of ADD ADHD Coaches on Noomii.

If you’ve got ADHD, chances are you’re intimately familiar with emotional dysregulation and rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD). You’re not “too sensitive,” you’re not “overreacting,” and no—you’re not being dramatic. Your brain just happens to turn even the slightest whiff of rejection into a five-alarm fire.

It’s not a personality flaw. It’s neuroscience.

So why do so many people keep telling you to just not take it personally? That’s like telling a drowning person to just breathe.

Let’s get into why this happens, why the usual advice sucks, and what actually helps.

Why Your Brain is Doing This (And Why It’s Not Your Fault)
ADHD brains aren’t just about focus issues—we feel things hard and fast because our brains struggle with regulating emotions. Rejection, criticism (real or perceived), or even a tone shift in someone’s voice can hit like an emotional truck.

It’s not a choice—it’s a neurological response.

The part of your brain that processes threats (the amygdala) is like an overcaffeinated bouncer, throwing alarms every time something might be rejection. And because ADHD brains have trouble filtering what’s urgent from what’s not, it all feels like a catastrophe.

Why “Just Don’t Take It Personally” Is The Worst Advice Ever
If you’ve ever been told to just let it go, you know how ridiculous that sounds.

Here’s why:

→ ADHD brains struggle with cognitive flexibility. This means once we feel something, it’s hard to shift perspectives quickly.

→ Your emotions aren’t wrong—they just need context. Dismissing them outright is gaslighting yourself, which only makes it worse.

→ Suppressing emotions doesn’t make them go away. It just buries them until they explode at the worst possible time.

You don’t need to stop feeling things. You just need a way to manage the spiral without invalidating yourself.

How to Shut RSD Down (Without Gaslighting Yourself)

1. Catch the Reaction Before the Spiral
The second you feel that emotional gut-punch, pause. Literally—take a breath. Your brain is running worst-case scenario mode, so recognize that before it pulls you under.

Instead of: Assuming the worst and mentally preparing for exile.
→ Try: Naming what’s happening. “This is RSD. My brain is sending alarms. I don’t have all the facts yet.”

2. Separate Facts From Feelings
Your emotions are valid, but they’re not proof. Feelings feel real, but that doesn’t mean they’re objective reality.

Instead of: Assuming someone’s silence means they hate you.
→ Try: Asking yourself, “What else could be true?” Maybe they’re busy. Maybe they didn’t see your message.

3. Regulate Before You React
Your emotions will pass if you let them. But in the moment, it can feel impossible to think clearly.

Instead of: Firing off a panicked apology or over-explaining yourself.
→ Try: Walking away, physically moving, or grounding yourself before responding. “I don’t have to solve this right now.”

4. Get Comfortable With Discomfort
Not every uncomfortable feeling needs to be fixed immediately. Sometimes, you just need to ride the wave without assuming the worst.

Instead of: Overanalyzing the situation to death.
→ Try: Reminding yourself, “I can sit with this feeling. It will pass.”

Final Takeaway:

You’re Not Broken—You Just Need a New Playbook

You don’t need to suppress your emotions or pretend rejection doesn’t hurt. But you can stop letting it run the show.

RSD doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means your brain is wired to feel things deeply. The key isn’t shutting it down—it’s learning how to manage the intensity without losing yourself in it.

And if the world can’t handle that? That’s a them problem.