Yes, you deserve success — and it’s okay to ask for it
Posted on February 03, 2025 by Bernard Thompson, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.
Self-limiting thoughts can hold you back but you can learn to expect — and achieve — better
Sometimes clients come to me with a feeling of frustration that they don’t get what they deserve. They see other people who may work less hard and seem to have less talent getting recognised but the client often feels that month after month, year after year, they’re being overlooked, bypassed and taken for granted.
If I ask them about a time when they’ve asked for that development opportunity, pay rise or promotion, the answer is often that they’ve never done so.
There can be many reasons for being reticent instead of assertively pushing for what you want and I find it can often be rooted in the past and how we were brought up.
Maybe they had a sibling who was always garnering attention, to the extent that the client felt less important at home. They may have had a history of receiving negative or discouraging feedback when they dared to dream or want something. They may even have been shamed into thinking wanting more was selfish and they should always put others first.
These are just a few possible reasons but the result is usually the same — the client’s own self-limiting behaviour is holding them back.
If you feel this way, stop a minute and ask yourself why you shouldn’t have what other people are allowed to dream of.
If you’re coming up with a list of reasons, you can definitely benefit from coaching.
And, of course, values like serving others, doing your fair share and not being greedy can be quite admirable in the family, your friends group and your community. You’re not being asked to become someone who cheats, cuts corners or undermines others to get ahead.
But ask yourself why other people deserve more than you. Would you tell a dear friend that they should be embarrassed for asking for what they want? What kind of friend would say that to you?
Some of the key things I’ve learned from highly successful people is that they don’t hesitate to pursue opportunities (though they may have had to overcome self-limiting behaviours themselves). If an opportunity arises, they tend to say, “Why NOT me?”
If they have doubts about their abilities, they are more likely to say, “Let’s try it and see.”
Highly successful people learn that rejection and occasional failures are part and parcel of success — it comes with the territory of actually trying. So, if they won’t enjoy these experiences, neither will they shy away from them. And they understand that the most profound rejection is rejecting yourself and the only real failure is refusing to try.
I remind people held back by internal issues that you DO deserve success. If other people have served more time but aren’t moving forward, you don’t have to wait in line behind them. (That way, you’re letting THEIR lack of ambition, confidence or motivation hold YOU back.)
Over time, you can learn to see greater success as not only something you deserve, but that you come to expect, which is an important part of developing a growth mindset.
Just as expecting less becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, expecting more puts you on a path to achieving better results and attaining higher rewards.
Yes, you deserve all of this — and it’s absolutely fine to ask for it.