Taming the Trauma of Breakups: 4 Steps to Bounce Back with Resilience

Posted on January 26, 2025 by Oliver Haughton, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Feelings of sadness, isolation, separation, and even desperation can occur with any dissociative event. A death in the family or a breakup often impacts an individual in a traumatic way. But why are some of us more resilient and able to bounce back than others? Conditioning and childhood programming have a lot to say about this, but most importantly, we create the environment that either rises up to meet us when we stumble or looks the other way as we tumble in the bottomless pit of depression.

Did you get into a relationship because you were desperately alone and couldn’t stand it? If you did, you were setting yourself up for failure. You need to examine what makes you upset, sad, angry, or depressed. It’s not about anyone else, it’s about you. Work on those issues first and you will be in a healthier place to have better relationships.

2: Become Your Best Friend

Develop better self-talk! For instance, stop referring to your life as “I have to lose weight,” or “I need to study tonight or I’ll get an F!” Instead, treat yourself as a producer, saying things like, “I’ve chosen to spend two hours studying tonight, and I’ve set aside an hour for lunch with my friend Mark.” You must like who you are and develop your own interests before anyone can spend a lifetime with you. Find out what makes you happiest that you can do alone and then do it a lot!

3: Maintain a Healthy Support System

Keeping friends is not easy for many of us. The key is to make weekly commitments and keep them. These are more important than work! That means, schedule movie times, dinners, drinking times, or hookups ON A CALENDAR! By only putting work events on your calendar, you are sending a message to yourself that all you are is your job. The moment you have feelings of worthlessness or doubt, send a supportive message to any friend or family member who may need it. Stay connected and maintain your support system.

4: Stop Dating and Hooking Up!

If every breakup makes you want to die, you do not have a healthy self-image. Get help for that first and work with a professional so that you can be a responsible dater. Read “A Return to Love” by Marianne Williamson.

Finally, remember this: breakups may bruise, but they don’t have to break us. By embracing these four steps, you can transform those painful experiences into powerful opportunities for growth. It’s time to ditch the drama, embrace your inner rockstar, and create a life that’s so damn good that even you can’t resist falling in love with