Finding Your Identity

Posted on January 08, 2025 by Daniela Otoya, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

I’m sure we’ve all experienced an identity crisis at one point or another. It typically happens in our teen years when our identities are molding to eventually stay solidified, however, sometimes people go through another round of identity questioning. For example, life transitions such as changing careers or becoming a parent can disrupt and change our sense of identity. Adverse experiences can also distort our self-perception, leading to confusion about self-worth and identity. The loss of a loved one, whether it’s a death or end of a relationship, cultural and societal influences, mental health factors like anxiety or depression, lack of role models or support, perfectionism or fear of judgement, and unresolved childhood influences can all be reasons for which we end up with the “who am I” flag waving in our minds.

One other reason we may struggle with identity is exploration suppression, this happens when someone was consistently in an environment where self-expression was judged or stifled and may have found it difficult to discover and accept their true selves. Other times, people may suddenly find a natural curiosity emerge and they begin to ask deeper questions about who they are, what the world is about, what their purpose is and so on. Asking the more philosophical or even spiritual questions you may say.

No matter your reason, there are steps you can take to know yourself both as a personality and at the soul level. Through the years of working as a coach and therapist, and going through my own self-discovery journey, I’ve found that the practices I’m about to share with you have been the most impactful for myself and others.

The first step is to spend more time with yourself, reflecting on how your body feels. Noticing throughout your day, what people and activities make you feel like. This helps you get a greater sense for your emotions, sensations and recognize where you might be doing something or spending time with someone that does not actually make you feel that great. Getting to know yourself, looks like first acknowledging your true feelings and you can only do so by having quiet reflection time and asking yourself “how do I feel about x,” pausing, tuning into your body, and waiting for an answer. It may help to ask your body, “what does a no feel like” then “what does a yes feel like” and letting the sensations tell you whether something feels right or wrong to you.
The next step is to identify what all influences you have had and currently have in your life. You can ask yourself who were the people who influenced you the most growing up and who are those who most influence you now. Then reflect on what pieces of the influences have shaped you that may not totally align with you. You can ask yourself “if the world/family/partner/ friends didn’t tell me who to be, what to believe, how to act, who would I be?” In answering these questions, you can journal or speak them out loud to outwardly express. I have found it most helpful when we let our minds run out loud because we hear it back differently, like we would be talking to someone. You can make a list of the beliefs and behaviors that you wish to throw away, and the ones you wish to keep that feel aligned with your values.

A few other exercises you can incorporate for self-exploration are values clarification where you choose your top 5 values from a list and discuss how they align with your current life. You can identify your strengths and reflect on how these strengths show up in your life. You can do a self-inquiry journal exercise asking “who am I when I feel most myself?”, “what does success mean to be personally?” and “what would I do if I weren’t afraid of others’ opinions?”. You can begin to experiment with different activities and adopt a creative hobby. Having a creative hobby of any sort can be hugely helpful as it will help you to begin to express yourself in which can be a great first step to unleashing more of your authentic self.

Those are a few exercises to begin to know yourself on the personality level. If you’re desiring to go deeper and know your soul self and discover your purpose. Well first, I believe we all have multiple purposes, but I’ll talk about that in another article. The first step in knowing your deepest self is meditation. This does not necessarily mean you have to be a monk and cultivate a silent mind for an hour+, it actually means learning to observe yourself from a back view, like your in the audience of a movie theater watching the movie of your thoughts play in the front. Meditation allows you to observe your thoughts and emotions from a distance, allowing them to flow without judgement. This leads to more clarity, calmness and mental discipline. In your meditation practice, you can ask yourself “I wonder what my next thought will be?” and wait for an answer. That pause in between thoughts is You observing. Now how can you really be your thoughts if you’re able to observe them? Seems logical to me that we are not are thoughts otherwise we wouldn’t be able to observe them. Therefore, who is that deeper you?

Sitting with that question with true intention to know yourself at a deeper level can help you align to what I like to call your Higher Self, or your soul. From this place, you can begin to ask your soul anything, any wisdom you’d like to know, such as “who am I beyond my roles and labels” “what truths about myself am I ready to embrace?” “how can I align with my higher purpose?” “what makes my heart feel alive?”. I also encourage time in nature to practice grounding and presence, that allows your mind to get still and clear. I recommend reading the book The Power of Now and A New Earth both by Eckhart Tolle. Those were the books that were my greatest catalyst for transformation and a true understanding of myself.

Whether you’re exploring your personality or delving into the depths of your soul, remember that it can be a very beautiful journey indeed. Be patient with yourself, embrace curiosity, and allow space for growth and discovery. The practices shared here are tools to guide you, but ultimately, the answers you seek already reside within you, waiting to be uncovered. As you continue this journey, trust the process, and know that every step forward brings you closer to living authentically, aligned with your truest self.