On to the Next Thing. A Practice in Patience.

Posted on August 07, 2024 by Annie Dietz, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

It’s 4 pm on Friday. I’ve just finished my last coaching session of the week and I am about to leave to pick up my son from track practice. I think to myself, I can squeeze in these last few things and still be on time…

Nope, I can’t. It’s all good though, on to the next thing.

Racing to my son’s school, my thoughts are still at my office thinking of the things I didn’t get done and calculating how I will fit them into my overbooked Monday. Then there is the dinner party tonight, I forgot to pick up wine! I’m driving the familiar route on autopilot, shifting gears from the past to the future and back again. I hardly remember how I made it to this final turn.

It’s all good though. I’m here now and on to the next thing.

I am pulling into the school parking lot. As my son walks towards the car, I remember an important message I promised to get to a client. Surely I can squeeze in one last text before he opens the car door…

Okay, done! On to the next thing.

“Hey, how was practice?” I asked, “Fine,” I think he said, though I wasn’t really paying attention.

Then he says, ”So, my board is at home, we’ll just need to run by and get it, but before we do, can we pick up my friend? His ride fell through and I don’t want to skate alone.”

What in the world was he talking about? Oh, that’s right! I promised I’d drop him at the skatepark.

Great, fine. On to the next thing.

Recalibrating my afternoon, I am trying not to get irritated with my son as I remember that his friend gets out of school later than he does. Now we have to wait for him. Great, one more thing to add to the list.

Suddenly I remembered the bag of clothes that has been in my car for two weeks. I need to get them back to my friend who lives nearby. Perfect, we can do that in the 10 minutes we have to kill.

I swing by to drop the bag at my girlfriend’s and we take a few minutes to catch up. I smile at her as I glance back toward my irritated teen. Without a word between us, she gets the gist of my busy afternoon. We laugh together at the wackiness of our working mom lives and my dizzy head slowly stops spinning. She briefly updates me on her week. I work to give her my full attention.

Just before I head back to my car, I admit to her that I am not sure what is going on, “I’m feeling super anxious and I can’t seem to shake it.” She looks at me, smiles, and says, “Girl, you know exactly what’s up, you can’t control the future, so stop worrying about it. It’ll only get you spun up! Try to live in the present.”

I feel tears forming in my eyes as the corners of my lips curve upward. My friend called me out! She has reflected my teachings right back at me. “Touché” I say with a smirk. She lovingly replies, “This is why we have each other.”

Presence, being present, living in the now. It’s not an easy task for any of us.

How had I let myself get so worked up? I am a coach for heaven’s sake, I know better. Presence is one of the eight core competencies I adhere to as an ICF-certified coach. During sessions, I give my clients my attention, fully conscious, in the moment, nothing else matters kind of attention.

Being present for someone, and holding space for them to feel heard and understood is close to 80% of my role as a coach. We all crave this from others, real connection. At that moment, I wasn’t remotely close to emulating presence.

Why was it so hard for me to do this for myself or for my son that day? My friend did me a favor, she knocked me out of the hamster wheel I was riding into my weekend.

I took a deep breath as I got back in the car. Before I pulled out of her driveway and on to the next thing, I looked at my son and smiled at him, pausing until he locked eyes and smiled back. For a brief moment, we were present with each other. My mood lightened and as I recognized that I was living in the present moment for the first time since ending my last coaching session.

When his friend got in the car, I paid closer attention to being present and listened to his answer when I asked how his week had been. We had a great conversation, these boys were cracking me up. Somehow I had two teenagers willing to engage with an adult, even letting me in on the latest gossip among their friends. I couldn’t believe it, it was a small gift that left me light and happy.

How often are you truly present in your daily life?

My story is just a quick glimpse into less than two hours of a typical day into mine.

Many of our modern-day ailments like depression and anxiety could be slightly alleviated with an increased practice of presence. In our ‘multi-tasking’ society, we think we are so efficient with our smart watches and phones keeping us on task.

One ping reminds us we have an upcoming appointment just as another tone congratulates us for completing a workout. We sit in meetings or at lunch with a friend with our distraction devices there keeping us informed, making us more efficient. Though, do they?

The biggest accomplishment our tech provides is pushing us out of the present, distracting us with reminders of an appointment we’ve forgotten then throwing us into worrying.

The next time we are in that meeting or at lunch with a friend or colleague. What would happen if we left our phones in the car?

We could benefit from paying attention the next time we ask a friend a question. Are we truly listening to their reply or are we too busy thinking about what to say next?

Presence doesn’t have to be another to-do you schedule into your day. I invite you to work on becoming aware of the moments you find yourself feeling anxious or depressed.

Ask yourself, “Am I living in the past, present, or future?” Taking just a few seconds when you feel out of sorts to ask that question can slowly create a new habit that builds small moments of presence into your life.