Regaining Self-Esteem During Or After A Co Dependent Relationship
Posted on May 25, 2024 by Caterina Barregar, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Reflect on experiences and relationships that may have contributed to low self-esteem. You might notice some repeating patterns.
Make a list of your strengths, achievements, and qualities you admire in yourself. This can be more difficult for those who have had difficult relationships. If it is, start small. Look at your list often, and remind yourself who you are and add to it as you get stronger. And don’t forget to celebrate your wins. Big or small.
Goals.
This one is a tough one for most people who have had relationship trauma. The reason is that they are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Every decision feels like it is the wrong one. But, I would encourage you to make small decisions and trust that every step you take is going to lead you to another decision improving your decision making skills. Start with small, achievable goals that align with your values and interests.
Celebrating yourself after achieving ANY small goal is imperative. You will feel more motivated to keep going.
Co Dependency
Let’s move on to the co dependency piece. Ending codependency is about noticing patterns that keep repeating.
You want to become very aware of your codependent behaviors.
Are you a people pleaser? Do you feel it is your responsibility to make people happy?
Do you honor your own needs?
Most people who are in difficult relationships, are very dependent on the other person. Learning to develop independence is key to creating and nurturing interdependent relationships in the future.
Being codependent with low self esteem can cause you to let go of hobbies, friendships and meeting your own needs. When I ask people what hobbies they would love to pursue, they often don’t have an answer in the beginning. The best next step is to go out and explore different hobbies that might be of interest to you. Attend meetups, courses and soon you will discover what might work for you. If they are not resonating with you, try something else.
Setting Boundaries.
Setting boundaries and following through with consequences is about practicing self care, saying yes to what you do want, and no to what you don’t want. Sometimes codependents will think that you are trying to let them go, end the relationship. But in truth, setting boundaries is an invitation to continue the relationship while honoring your own needs and helping the other person to know that they are important enough for you to say no, not this, instead yes, this.
Communication is everything.
The words that people speak are not always communicated well. Communication is so much more than the words you speak. Body language, facial cues, eye cues, and the pitch of one’s voice also communicate. So do actions.
Listen to understand, not to respond. And please remember that the other person is allowed to have their own perspective. It may not be the same as yours.
Use “I feel” messages.: Putting the word you into any statement when you are upset, will cause more friction. For example, “I feel hurt when…” instead of“You always…” Try: I feel…… i don’t want to…. How can we solve this together? Stay focused on the issue and talk it out together. There is of course more to this but maybe this short article will help someone. Caterina
