Work and life: enemies or allies?

Posted on May 13, 2024 by Martin Hahn, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.

There are many times when our work is in conflict with another part of our life. Work–life conflict exists when pressures from work and other life roles are mutually incompatible; that is, when participation in one role interferes with participation in another role.

Sometimes our work responsibilities interfere with our family or personal lives (known as work-to-life conflict), whereas at other times our family or personal lives interfere with our work (life-to-work conflict). We will use the term work–life conflict when referring to the general notion of conflict between work and other life roles, and use the more specific terms of work-to-life conflict or life-to-work conflict when referring to the specific direction of the conflict or interference. Research has revealed three different forms of work–life conflict: time-based conflict, strain-based conflict, and behavior-based conflict.

Time-based conflict occurs because the activities we pursue in life compete for a precious commodity which is time. The time spent in one role generally cannot be devoted to another role.

Out-of-town business meetings or late evenings at the office can interfere with family dinners, parent–teacher conferences, or community volunteer activities. It is simply impossible to be in two places at once. Time-based work-to-life conflict is likely to be most prevalent for employees who work long hours, travel extensively, frequently work overtime, have inflexible work schedules, and receive little support from their boss or co-workers. All of these work situations can increase or fix the time at work that cannot be spent on family, community, or personal activities. Time pressures that arise from domains other than work can also produce conflict.

Employees who experience the most life-to-work conflict tend to have extensive family responsibilities (for example, they are married or have partners, have young children, have large families, have primary responsibility for childcare or eldercare, or have partners who hold demanding jobs), receive little support from family or friends, or have other extensive commitments outside of work. All of these pressures increase the amount of time devoted to family, community, or personal pursuits, which can interfere with work-related activities.

Strain-based conflict exists when psychological strain produced within one role affects our functioning in another role. Work stressors can produce strain symptoms such as tension, irritability, fatigue, depression, and apathy, and it is difficult to be an attentive partner, a loving parent, an understanding friend, or an enthusiastic volunteer when one is depressed, anxious, fatigued, or irritable. Strain-based work-to-life conflict is likely to be most intense for employees who experience conflict or ambiguity within the work role; who are exposed to extensive physical, emotional, or mental work demands; whose work environment is constantly changing; who work on repetitive, boring tasks; or who receive little support in the workplace. All these stressful conditions can produce a “negative emotional spillover” from work to other parts of life.

Of course, many sources of strain can arise from roles outside of work as well. Individuals who experience difficulties with partners, children, parents, friends, or members of community or religious organizations may find that these stresses intrude into their work life. It is difficult to devote oneself fully to work when preoccupied with a stressful family or personal situation. Sometimes behavior that is effective in one role is simply inappropriate in another role.

It has been suggested, for example, that managers at work are expected to be self-reliant, aggressive, detached, and objective. Family members and friends, on the other hand, may expect that same person to be warm, nurturing, and attentive in their interactions with them. If people cannot shift gears when they enter different roles, they are likely to experience behavior-based conflict between the roles. Behavioral styles that employees exhibit at work (logic, objectivity, power, and authority) may be incompatible with the behaviors desired by family and friends on the home front, who do not appreciate being treated like subordinates!

As this discussion shows, a variety of role pressures can produce work–life conflict.

Some of these pressures demand excessive time commitments, others produce extensive stress, and many produce both. From where do these pressures emanate? Some come from role senders, persons with whom we interact in our work and non-work lives. Bosses, colleagues, partners, children, and friends are all role senders who place demands on us to finish projects, attend weekend meetings, wash the dishes, and mow the lawn. People tend to experience more conflict when there are strong penalties for failing to comply with these demands from work and non-work roles. If a boss insists that we attend a Saturday work meeting, and a partner refuses to change vacation plans by one day, we are caught between the proverbial rock and a hard place. If either the boss or the partner permits latitude to deviate from expectations, there is room to maneuver.

However, many pressures to participate or excel at work or in non-work activities come not from other people, but from the expectations we place on ourselves. For example, employees who exhibit a Type A personality and who place tremendous pressure on themselves to work long hours and be highly successful, tend to experience more work–life conflict than those with a more relaxed Type B personality.

Outside of work the desire to be the “perfect” partner, parent, friend, or neighbor can place pressure on us that goes far beyond any pressure that others can muster. The pressures we put on ourselves can depend on the importance of the particular role to our self-concept. For example, if work is a central part of our life, we are more demanding on ourselves to participate fully and competently in that role, thereby exacerbating the degree of conflict. Those of us who are highly involved in both work and non-work roles may experience the most conflict. We want to be highly productive in all parts of our life and we feel guilty if we cannot achieve such high standards.

There is also evidence that our personality can affect the amount of work–life conflict we experience. People tend to experience less work–life conflict if they are agreeable, extraverted, open to new experiences, optimistic, proactive, self-confident, and hold generally positive attitudes toward life. It is possible that these qualities enable people to cope more resiliently with pressures from different spheres of life or make it more likely that they receive support from other people in their life.

Extensive work–life conflict can detract from our performance or satisfaction with our family, job, and life, and can produce physical or psychological health problems. That is why chronic work–life conflict can serve as an enemy of work–life balance. When one part of life (work, for example) regularly interferes with our commitments to other parts of our life, our involvement, performance, and satisfaction in these non-work roles may decline, making it difficult to experience a feeling of balance or completeness in our life.

However, this does not mean that everyone who experiences work–life conflict necessarily experiences stress, diminished performance, dissatisfaction, and a feeling of imbalance.

A certain level of conflict is inevitable in a society in which women and men are required to juggle work with other life responsibilities. Problems are probably most pronounced when the level of work–life conflict is so intense that it exceeds individuals’ capacities to cope with the conflict.

Work–Life Enrichment: When Work and Life Are “Allies”

Although many of us experience work–life conflict and sometimes rather intensely and we should not conclude that work is always at odds with other parts of life. When they are allies, work can strengthen our non-work lives, and non-work experiences can improve our work lives. We refer to these beneficial effects of work and non-work on one another as work–life enrichment. There are two paths to work–life enrichment: the instrumental path and the affective path.

The instrumental path involves the acquisition of resources in one role that are used to improve our performance and satisfaction in the other role. A resource is an asset that can be used to solve a problem or master a challenging situation. Participating in a role — non-work or work will provides opportunities to acquire resources from that role.

These resources include the

• Development of new skills;

• Development of new perspectives, by forming novel ways of looking at situations and solving problems;

• Enhancement of our self-confidence as a result of performing well in our duties;

• Accumulation of social capital, the network of relationships we develop with other people who provide us with information or advice and who can use their influence to help us reach our goals;

• Acquisition of material resources such as money and gifts.

We can acquire these resources in any role in which we participate. For example, as a family member, friend, neighbor, or community volunteer:

• We might improve our problem-solving skills as we learn to work effectively with our spouse or partner to solve daily problems, our listening skills in helping our toddler communicate his or her needs to us, or our multitasking skills in juggling our many commitments to our children, neighbors, friends, and spouses with our own personal needs.

• Our experiences with our child or with a brother or sister might produce a new perspective on working with others; for example, to let people try to solve problems on their own at first and not offer advice until it is requested.

• We may become more self-confident as we master the challenges of taking on a new volunteer role or a new hobby, caring for children, solving problems as a couple, or helping parents with a knotty housing problem.

• We may have access to the wisdom, advice, and social support of a family member or friend as we accumulate social capital in our lives.

• We may have access to financial resources such as a spouse’s income, a parent’s inheritance, or an in-law’s generous gift.

It is not difficult to imagine how the resources acquired from our nonwork life can be beneficial to our work. For example:

• The problem-solving and listening skills honed as a spouse, parent, or friend may make us more effective members of work teams.

• The new perspective regarding the importance of letting people try to solve problems before offering advice may make us more effective supervisors or mentors at work.

• The self-confidence we have acquired as a result of solving a challenging problem outside of work may enable us to approach our tasks at work with more confidence and resilience.

• A knowledgeable neighbor or friend may provide us with excellent career advice or even use his or her influence to help us land a new job or acquire a business loan from a local bank.

A substantial gift or family inheritance could be used to bankroll a new business.