The "It" Factor of Happiness

Posted on February 06, 2024 by Faith Feuer, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

So, any discussion of happiness should probably begin by drilling down on what we all think are some determining factors of happiness. Of course this is going to be different for everyone, but I think that we can all probably agree on “decent circumstances” as at least somewhat of a prerequisite to happiness. Yes, you can be living in dire conditions and still manage to be happy, but I think that by and large, you probably have to have your basic needs met in order to at least be content. Next, let’s bring in the classic “nature vs. nurture” debate. Are some people just born happy while others are not, or is it a question of how we are raised and by whom. Lastly, there is the question of brain chemistry. We have learned over the years that sometimes people who are unhappy or depressed lack the necessary balance of brain chemicals and that this imbalance can often be corrected through a combination of medication and therapy. I’d like to propose that there is another component to happiness, one that is completely unscientific, undefined and totally nebulous. Despite its lack of official status or even definition, I believe wholeheartedly in its existence. To illustrate, let me use my own personal story. I have always been an extremely positive, optimistic and, well, happy person! As early as my teenage years, I guess my peers noticed that I was consistently and, for a teenager, unusually, happy. I would be asked all the time “why are you so happy?”, “don’t you ever have a bad day?”. In college, these questions continued and were sometimes accompanied by “are you religious?” or “are you high?”. At the time, I didn’t really understand the basis for these questions. I assumed that everyone in my peer group was as happy as I was. I was in college, studying what I loved and having fun. As such, my response to these questions was usually something like, “well what do I have to be unhappy about?”. As I progressed into adulthood, coworkers would make similar remarks about my seemingly unfailing optimism and positive attitude. It was around that time that I learned about brain chemistry and I finally understood why my highschool friend who seemed to have IT ALL had always suffered serious bouts of depression. I began to respond to the now familiar questions with “well, I guess I was just born with a good supply of serotonin”. But are either of these explanations entirely sufficient? Let’s go through each component of happiness that I suggested and see if we can apply them to me, the test case for today.

Like most people, my circumstances have at times been great, at times not so great. I have bad days just like everyone else who calls themselves a human being, but, by and large, even in the not so great times, I’ve managed to stay pretty happy. I’ve had my basic needs met, but I don’t think that I can attribute my happiness entirely to that. So, as I suggested, decent circumstances are important, but I don’t think they are they only component at play, at least in my case. Next, the nature vs. nurture debate. Well, assuming we get 50 % of our DNA from each of our parents, science says that my nature should be 50 % positive, happy, awesome person.I’m not perfect, but I’m definitely not half demon, so there goes the “let’s attribute our happiness or lack thereof entirely to nature” theory. How about nurture? This one holds more water for me. I was raised in large part by my Grandmother, the very epitome of positivity, optimism and unvarnished happiness. My heart still hears it in her voice on the other end of the phone. My Grandparents played a huge role in my upbringing, so it is not surprising that my Grandmother’s optimism proved contagious. However, again, I believe it’s impossible to attribute happiness to nurture alone…plenty of people raised in stable, loving homes by caring parents are completely miserable in life. Moving on to brain chemistry. True, depression, or lack of happiness, can be traced to a chemical Imbalance in the brain, but is this entirely measurable? And what about the people for whom medication and therapy are not enough to make them happy?

I’m sure that some of you will say, well you can’t point to a single one of the components you mentioned as FULLY responsible for happiness or a lack of it, it’s probably the result of a combination of them all! I’m sure that’s true, but what if there is something else? I’m certain most of us have watched or at least heard of talent shows like The Voice, X Factor or America’s Got Talent. Haven’t we all heard the judges remark about a contestant they love that this person has the “IT” factor? Something undefinable but undeniably present. Some intangible quality that propels someone to stardom. From what I’ve been able to gather, the “IT” factor is not based on talent alone. Not everyone with a great voice becomes a singing superstar. Not everyone who can act gets an illustrious Hollywood career. There has to be something more that gives that person star quality and I’d like to propose that the same is true for consistently happy people. We’ve all heard the popular quote “happiness is a choice” and, to the extent that attitude has a part to play in our personal happiness, I agree. But what if it’s not one hundred percent a choice, but something more? What if happy people are born with the same “IT’ factor that makes a star a star? What if there’s a “secret sauce” happy people possess that others don’t? If so, are they born with it? If you’re not born with it, can it be cultivated? These are the questions that I grapple with as a life and happiness coach. There is no “right” answer, nor would we want there to be as entertaining all possibilities is its own reward!