The Four Tendencies in Students and Teens

Posted on August 24, 2023 by Elise Phillips, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

The research and writing of Gretchen Rubin, author of The Four Tendencies, can be used to better understand and motivate students and teens. By understanding the motivation style of the teen you are working with, you can have a leg up in knowing how to encourage them to act. Whether you are trying to help your student complete homework, chores or take initiate in life choices, this is sure to help.

Explanation of the four tendencies:
Upholders meet outer expectation and meet inner expectations.
“I love routines, and people think I’m extremely disciplined.”
“Discipline is my freedom.”
Obligers meet outer expectations but resist inner expectations.
“I put others ahead of myself, and I value harmony in relationships.”
“You can count on me, and I’m counting on you to count on me.”
Questioners resist outer expectations but meet inner expectations.
“I love researching, and people sometimes say I ask ‘why?’ too much.”
“I’ll comply-if you convince me why.”
Rebels resist outer expectations and resist inner expectations.
“I value freedom and choice; I do what I want to do, when I want to do it.”
“You can’t make me, and neither can I.”

Understanding what motivates the student you are working with at home, at school or in your practice can help you know how to frame and phrase things for maximum success.

Once something has been assigned to an upholder, whether it be an assignment, a chore, or an exercise, the upholder will be motivated to complete it. Being motivated both externally and internally, they are rare but have the best track record of getting the job done. They will do it both because they are asked and because they have an internal regulation telling them that they should complete this. The upholder will want to complete tasks that they feel are on their plate before doing something fun.

Obligers are motived by what others ask them to do but cannot get themselves to do things that they want to do. They need check ins. Sometimes it helps to have check ins throughout a bigger project for obligers so that they have more frequent accountability. Obligers can feel taken advantage of because they always readily agree to tasks that are asked of them.

Questioners need to understand why. This can come across as disrespect or questioning authority, but when convinced that the request makes sense, they will comply. They then want to do it for themselves since they understand why, and it becomes internal motivation. Take the extra time to explain why for better results.

The rebel does not want to be told what to do but also cannot get themselves to do what they want to do either. This is a harder tendency to motivate, but it can be done. They a best motivated by a cause or by proving others wrong. They can also gain motivation by picturing their future self and thinking of what the person they want to become would do. Use these tips to your advantage by getting to know the teen better. Ask them to tell you about the person they want to become and about their values and causes that they believe strongly in.