THE ROOTS OF MOM’S GUILT

Posted on May 09, 2023 by Victoria Fast, One of Thousands of Health and Fitness Coaches on Noomii.

Hello, my name is Victoria, a mom of 3 kids, a coach and serial entrepreneur. I am on my personal healing journey and I coach women to shift from unhealthy and exhausting motherhood to living in joy and truth and reclaim their vitality and power over “normalized” expectations from motherhood.

As women collectively we are deeply wounded. Not only because of the childhood trauma (which is obvious) but because of culture, pressure and expectations created in a capitalistic world and now stored in our genes for hundreds of years.

So today I am talking about guilt. Which is very common among women.

I call it mom’s guilt. But it is not just mom’s guilt. It is a core wounding inside many women (including myself), created by the culture, environment and childhood trauma that shows up as mom guilt. The long history of mom-shaming, the impact of social media, advertising from companies profiting on parental fears, formal recommendations from doctors and other organizations, and outside family pressures turn into personal insecurities (mom guilt) associated with raising our children. So the roots of MOM’S GUILT ARE IN OUR CULTURE, in OUR ENVIRONMENT and our CHILDHOOD.

And we start to notice this guilt intensively in motherhood. Because motherhood triggers our wounds, our patterns, our unhealed trauma.

Why to heal moms guilt?

Guilt is playing a critical role for your overall health, vitality, energy and emotions. It looks like decision burnout, beating yourself up for taking rest, cycling through negative self-talk over I should be doing this, I should be doing that, its fear of making decisions, its isolation, beating yourself up for wrong decisions.
And that’s not real you. It’s not the physical demands of motherhood that wear you down, it’s your mom’s guilt. Real you is vibrant, happy, motivated, confident, balanced and aligned with your values and goals in life. And you can shift this.

Motherhood can be a time when you shed your insecurities, and self-doubt to step fully into the woman you are meant to be. It’s a catalyst for personal growth, strength, and connection.

So how to experience guilt free motherhood more often?

1. Name your GUILT

Dive into the true reasons for your guilt. Maybe it stems from your childhood or family history. I suggest taking a quick note in a journal, pad, or even the notes section of your phone, to write down your thoughts centered around guilt when it occurs. The hope is to see a particular pattern on the theme, which provides you insight into where the guilty feelings begin. Once you are able to identify the areas causing the emotions, then you are able to watch for these triggers.

2. Take a look at your circle of friends (and sometimes family).

“You are the sum of who you surround yourself with” is a quote we often hear as we are establishing our inner circle. When you are analyzing your inner circle ask yourself these questions:

● Does this person share my values, beliefs, and vision?
● Is this person an energy producer or energy zapper?
● Is this person respectful towards self and others?
● How does this person influence others?
● Does this person have my back?

If the answers to these questions are negative and toxic, it may be time to have a conversation with this person to allow them to address and communicate their emotions and thoughts. It may be that it is time to move on from the relationship.

3. Reprogram your own unhealthy thoughts.

Inner Child Stuff comes up so much in motherhood. Motherhood can be incredibly triggering for old wounds. Unhealed inner child wounds can really guide who we view ourselves and how we experience mom’s guilt. If you see the roots, you can accelerate your healing.

Pick one unhealthy thought you repeat to yourself. Write it out and ask yourself – how do you feel? When is the 1st time you remember thinking this? Is this thought is attached to a specific person? When did you decide that was true? How does this thought show up as mom’s guilt? If this thought was removed from your mind – what would your life look and feel like?

It is important to show compassion for yourself and for others. I think creating a personal mantra or mission statement could be useful during this time. Anytime these emotions and thoughts surface, you would insert this mantra or statement and repeat it over and over in your head or out loud. The idea is to change the negative thought into a more positive one. Some useful mantra or mission statements could be:

● “It’s okay.”
● “We are doing the best we can.”
● “We are doing what’s right for our family.”
● “Just breathe. In and out.”

I want you to know that you, mama, are doing a GREAT job with the best version of your MOM SELF. However, if you feel that you are struggling with mom guilt or any other area of your mom life, please reach out to me for your complimentary consultation to discuss how I can help.