How To Master Your Triggers

Posted on March 27, 2023 by Mieke Vander Heyden, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

How To Master Your Triggers

Has it ever happened to you that a random situation provokes an inner emotional rollercoaster, and you don’t understand why?

It’s very likely that you have been triggered.

In every daily situation, there are a handful of potential triggers.
Think about the following scenarios:
• Someone who is late for your meeting
• Getting interrupted while talking
• An irresponsible driver on the road

You probably are more sensitive to one scenario versus another. A trigger is any stimulus that you perceive to be stressful. There are several types of triggers: some related to our senses, such as smells, noises, and objects. Others related to a specific event, place, date, power dynamic, situation or person.

How do you know if you are triggered?
There are some characteristics that indicate that you are triggered
• you experience a certain overwhelm
• there is a repetitive voice in your head which is voicing out a limiting belief
• you react on automatic pilot without thinking, and end up doing or saying something you regret afterwards
• your emotional response is out of proportion to the actual situation
• you tend to take things too personal

Trigger reactions can be so strong that they limit our ability to choose how to respond in a certain situation. The circumstances determine your behavior, instead of your inner strengths or resources. You lose your power.

When you are extremely triggered, a part of you is no longer in the present, but has time-travelled to a past event. It’s as if suddenly a younger version of you has taken over the steering wheel, at an unconscious level. The unconscious doesn’t understand the difference between the past and present. As a consequence, your entire being screams out in fear, anger, pain… when objectively the situation isn’t as extreme. For you, your experience IS real in this given moment.

In some cases, it may even feel as if you are feeling fragmented, extremely vulnerable and small, not whole, emotionally confused, overly self-critical, abandoned, victimized,…

Triggers, stress, emotional wounds and trauma
You are not rational anymore, and you are responding according to four trauma-stress responses: fight, flight, freeze or befriend. This mechanism is stronger than yourself, and it’s hard to step out of this trigger-state.

Unconsciously, a part of you has travelled to a past situation of trauma, high stress or emotional wounds.

Perhaps you wonder why you are triggered, even if you had a great life?
We all know moments where our needs were not being met. Think of a past experience which has felt unsafe, where you didn’t feel seen, loved, or felt abandoned, to name a few. We often tend to ‘forget’ these experiences or suppress them as a learned coping-mechanism, but they are still there, stored in our body and unconscious.

These experiences are very unsettling and have consequences
You may feel shame, guilt, or suffer from self-judgement. Repetitive triggers can be very exhausting in itself. In the long run it may impact your self-worth and self-confidence, and you may isolate yourself.

Unfortunately, it can also affect your relationships in any area of your life, depending on which situations trigger you. People don’t always understand what is actually happening to you, so they judge, avoid or leave you, rather than noticing that you are suffering inside.

Break this downward cycle
As you understand, it is important to break this downward trigger-cycle. There is a way out. Many people have done this before you. However, it is a process which requires your active attention and participation.

When I work with clients, whether it is individually or in my online ‘master your triggers’-program, I offer a step-by-step process, which focuses on the following elements:

Working with triggers
First, it’s critical to recognize when you are triggered, what your triggers and trigger-responses are. This will allow you to learn to pause and step out of the situation. I also teach simple but effective life-tools to prevent further build-up of a triggering situation. You can also learn methods to address the present situation in case you already time-travelled, to help you come back to the present again. Learning to self-soothe and self-regulate should be skills taught in schools.

Stress-management
Stress increases the likelihood of triggers. When you are used to high levels of stress, you may not notice anymore when you are feeling overstimulated. Creating a life that suits your needs and personality is vital. Peace of mind, a sense of ability to cope with whatever life throws at you and develop a basic trust in yourself and life, are essential to thrive in any area of your life.

Processing emotional wounds
Obviously, your emotional wounds need to be addressed and healed as well. Your triggers lead you directly to emotional wounds and a younger version of yourself, who is waiting to be acknowledged, loved and reassured. You may not have been raised in the perfect circumstances, but it’s never too late to start being the most loving parent or best friend for yourself! Learning to love and forgive yourself, no matter what, is the most beautiful gift you can give yourself!

Re-connective communication
Shame, guilt, judgment, blame and trauma-stress responses in itself, are very disconnecting. I encourage my clients to break this cycle and empower them to reconnect with their environment. They learn how to approach their loved-ones or those involved in triggering situations to be able to repair relationships if they choose to.

If you suspect that you are dealing with triggers on a weekly or daily basis, if you notice that it’s impacting your life more than you wish; it might be time to seek professional support to teach you to deal with triggers. You deserve to feel emotionally stable and free again, so you can create the life and relationships that you desire.

Biography Mieke
Mieke Vander Heyden (Belgium) has a master in Social & Cultural Sciences & a Teaching degree. She also is an Integrative Psychotherapist & Coach, specialized in Dance & Movement Therapy, Psychodrama, Family Constellations, Art Therapy, Trance Dance Ritual & Laughter Yoga.

In the past, Mieke worked as psychosocial assistant, a coordinator, a psychotherapist, a coach and a trainer. 8 years ago, she started to travel the world, while she facilitates workshops, social & cultural projects, trainings and retreats for expats, locals & professional caregivers.

She works a lot with (young) adults, nomads & expats, as within local communities throughout several cultures. She has experience in working with people dealing with loss & grief and processing difficult life experiences.

Furthermore, in her workshops, retreats and online programs, she offers a frame so participants can explore and create inner freedom, self-connection and meaning in life, which enables them to create the life that one longs for.

She speaks fluently Dutch, French, English and Spanish. She facilitates in a soft and playful way, giving the needed space and loving attention to each client or participant.