Explore Your Options with a Coaching Session

Posted on October 23, 2022 by Fatih Elibol, One of Thousands of Performance Coaches on Noomii.

Coach training, with the addition of different theories, coaching sessions have become much more enjoyable for coaches.

It has also become much easier for clients to become aware, find solutions, finalize them with decisions, and then take action with consistent action steps. These theories that enable one-on-one sessions to be facilitating for the parties, regardless of whether they are on the phone or face-to-face are;

Communication mastery with Transactional Analysis
Awareness mastery with Gestalt Approach
Deep listening skills with Co-active coaching Apart from coach trainings, the competency content of the coaches is quite extensive with the NLP Self Programming techniques that I train in private. Together let’s examine the statements of the client who received one-on-one performance coaching

One-on-One Performance Coaching

To seek oneself in silence, listen to one’s inner voice, close oneself to the outside noise, experience spiritual rest, to be trapped in a cage, to be imprisoned in one’s thoughts, have a narrow perspective, shut oneself off, resist, struggle, withstand, try to endure, compromising one’s own truth for the sake of others, sacrificing and expecting in return…

The result? The reward for this compromise leaves a bitter taste in the heart. I asked my client about her story of predicament with her father. How are you feeling? I DON’T KNOW.

Dear coaches, you may often get the answer I DON’T KNOW to the questions you ask your clients. There are many alternative ways at this point but this question is also an effective way.

What would you compare the feeling you felt so that I could understand you?

I feel like the only dimmed lamp among the lights, Mr. Elibol. I have been through challenging roads in winter, but I want to find my way to sunny paths.

Where are you now on that dark, cold road? Can you tell me, what are your deepest and truest thoughts?

It takes time for all of us to become aware quickly. First, give your client time in the session. It is in your hands to manage this process that determines the duration of the session, and with your theoretically strengthened abilities, let your client think while observing.

Sometimes a session that ends in 15 minutes with 4 questions and can other times take up to an hour, but please remember that the goal of your session management is to enable them to decide on an action that you will follow up in a single session. Monitor your client’s statements, and it will be important to use the words in his/her statements in order to achieve mutual harmony while giving your feedback and forming your questions.

I am at the gate of Babylon, it’s as if I had woken up in the morning of a city with an unfamiliar night. There is no continuation of anything that has been started, I don’t want to stay in unstable behaviors, emotions, communications, believe, and experience the same disappointments over and over again.

I don’t believe and trust anymore. I am not sure of anything and I doubt everything that happens. This is the only thing I am clear about, Mr. Elibol. I have been worn out enough with rude and hurtful behaviors and words, once doubt seeps in, there is no point in moving forward anymore.

A lot of secrets, lies, things secretly carried out in the background, wasted the innocence between us. I took myself and my heart and I left home. He still trusts my love with his ego, whereas I went despite my love. Otherwise, I would still be there and he would still be in my life. If I was the kind of person he wanted, it would have gone on, but it’s over. He never reflected what happened as it was, and he never acted honestly. My father knows what he is doing as well and I have always felt and still feel all those things that he did.

PANDORA’S BOX!

What have you decided after what you have been through?

I have always felt him, and I feel him now. Even though we are far away, I can see his regret, but his ego will never allow him to show it to me. I was always ready to forgive him with my love, but what changed?

He continues to be the same controller. He can never open himself up. You are the one who has to understand what he thinks, what he feels, what he actually means to say, and when you don’t understand, you are guilty. He lectures you and gives feedback right away. I don’t want to sacrifice myself and get tired anymore.

And he won’t want to treat me badly and upset me anymore. If you asked my father, why did you do this today, he would say, I didn’t do anything, I was protecting her from the problems in my life. He never reflects what he realizes about himself out of his pride and ego. When he comes to make a fresh start, it will be too late. By the time he finds that courage, that strength in himself, I will be gone.

The only thing I’m afraid of, Mr. Elibol, is losing myself. I walked away by choosing myself, but choosing to stay in love. I love him more than he could ever imagine, but I love myself more. I did what I had to do and I stepped back. I don’t blame him anymore, he gave me great memories and life lessons, but I am looking for ways to be freed from the love that made me believe and misled me every time. Now I want to say “I am glad to have this in my life”, not “I wish it was like this“.

EXIT FROM THE ENDLESS VOID!

If you wanted to fill your life with things you are glad to have instead of wishes of regret, what would they be?

It is so important to know the value of things you are glad to have in life… Steps taken without fear, new beginnings that start with faith, new roads, those who are always with you on that path, to be able to say “despite everything”, to start life again with hope and excitement.

Then, being able to renew everything in your life around you, remembering the important days of your life that make you happy, dreaming and living those days you dreamed of, being sure of what you think and being determined in your actions, creating unity and integrity, and allowing the beautiful things to be experienced with faith and without sabotaging what will happen, opening oneself to possibilities for developments that will make you happy, continuing with a positive belief without being offended.

WHEN THE MUSIC CHANGES, THE DANCE CHANGES!

After progressing a little further, my client had many things to be aware of.

What can you solve at this point in your life?

Instead of dealing with his darkness, I decided to shine my own light. It takes a miracle for us to be together from now on. I just want us both to find ourselves on this journey. When I say where and who I belong to, I thank him and life for granting me with the wisdom that I belong only to myself.

He was only in my thoughts and feelings. I realized the fact that he was not where I had created, where I believed he was. He exists in my life as much as I want and now, I am in balance within myself.

At the following period in our session, I asked my client; what would be the obstacles you will encounter on your new path?

I think my father’s coming back… It’s not that he will come back, but how people come and how they stay in our lives that are important, Mr. Elibol, and I know that he will leave me broken even if he comes forty times!

What I observed in my laughing client was the form of retroflection we express in Gestalt theory. Whenever we went into an area that made her sad and hurt her, she would express herself with jokes. However, she had developed this reaction with the disbelief she carried inside her.

There came a moment when my reason finally overcame my heart and when I walked away, I saw everything. Now I stop bringing the past before me all the time, it turns out that my feelings prevented me from living the life I wanted to progress.

Exactly what emotions are you afraid of in being able to make a powerful change?
How can better be possible for yourself and your dreams?
Are you ready to take care of yourself?

While continuing with questions like these, I realized that my client was very stuck on a word she used in her answers. While expressing different subjects, she was making sentences using the same word.

DREAMS THAT DON’T COME TO LIFE! LOYALTY TO DREAMS!

What does the word loyalty mean to you?

It means being faithful to your life, to your dreams, not giving up on your life no matter what, and focusing on living your life with pleasure and happiness.

The expressions she made with introspection in the answers she gave were quite interesting. While describing the awareness of being loyal to herself and her dreams in her descriptions, I asked my client another question.

How is a person focused on living her life happily and tastefully like, what does she do?

She is aware of the living conditions, works for change, strives to realize what she expects of herself, not what is expected of her. She knows herself and is aware of her power. She can leave old negative fears and emotions behind. Actually, what a beautiful saying it is keep your breath to cool your porridge…

She can activate the FLOW of life. She knows that when she is truly broken and hurt, it is an ATTACK to the core of her heart and being. She said and then stopped. I respectfully waited for that tour of my client’s inner world, she was thinking. Something in me told me that this time there would be no expression with a laughter.

Mr. Elibol, I think I’m subconsciously building walls around my heart. Do you think that is how I am protecting myself right now?

And after a “A-Ha!” moment, we continued.

With a fresh look, how do you create the life you want to live behind that wall?

I don’t know…

Explore Your Options with a Coaching Session

It is always in your hands to transform your current conditions into the life conditions you want to have. I am sure you have put a lot of effort until now, but you may have experienced a Coaching session with me, strengthened by theories such as Transactional Analysis, Gestalt, and Co-active Coaching.

Together, as you explore alternative ways to continue your dreams faithfully, you will focus on your path and we will also discover your abilities that you will always adapt to the path. There might also be unexpected surprises that you encounter. Knowing your coping methods and being honest with yourself will always keep you on track.

We will determine the roadmap where you can meet all your needs without sacrificing yourself and where you can appreciate yourself at the end of the day. Instead of building walls in your heart in your life, let’s make it possible for you to achieve a FLOW forward, not backward. In fact, let’s ensure its beauty not only for yourself but also for other people and all living things in your life.

There is always a way, you just haven’t found it yet…