Damn perfectionism

Posted on March 23, 2021 by Philomena Hoeltkemeier, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.

Today I had a conversation about perfectionism. Not someone else’s perfectionism, but mine. Which makes me kind of imperfect obviously! But that’s real life, a coach is only a human being and usually someone who has faced many things he/she had to overcome.

To give you a look into a coache’s real life, to make you see it is far away from being super lean, let me tell you this:

Not many people would think of me as a perfectionist. Most people think I do have some perfect skills that make me float through the world airy-fairy-like and smile all the time because I am never troubled by worries.

But who knows me well, knows I tend to get anxious from time to time, have to fight my own battles to move up to the next level. The ones closest would see how I feel in what my apartment looks like. I have a chaotic apartment if I don’t feel like putting in the work. I am someone with not so much patience when it comes to my own stuff. I go through problems. I go through anxieties, too. I like to think quickly, find quick solutions. That’s why I can be frustrated easily if I can’t find one fast for myself. And although I know a million methods to stay calm and positive, I am sometimes so very far away from that. That’s when it’s noticeable that I am a perfectionist. I love to see others happy, ad my self too, of course. Happiness is what I have always been striving towards and of course it’s high points are only points and at best we can feel a relatively constant level of bliss. Until the eruptions come that make us face some demons. But I do like those natural highs as I have never been a fan or supporter of any kind of drugs (I am too sensitive for that shit and I think too many others are too and put their mental health at risk too easily). And I have had the luck to experience so many natural highs and blissful times in my life that not being in that state frustrates me and makes me strive for my kind of perfectionism: happiness. And if I am not totally happy, I search for the mistakes instead of accepting that not everything is going to be perfect at all times. I admire how my boyfriend’s brain works as he is a very resilient person who does not care much about happiness and is basically happy when he is content.

You might think: Wow, this happiness-lesson is something she should have learned ages ago! And you might be right. But I had other things on my mind first. I had to figure out my skills. My potential impact. My path. A spiritual awakening and my spiritual possibilities. Figure out what things I do have control over (that most people would deny they could achieve themselves) – so that I can get to where I want to be and help others get to where they want to be, too. I love progress, I love to enable progress. I hate to wait for it though. And now, as I am starting a family, which is an overwhelming (and such an important!) step for me, it is time to look at the things that are out of my control and are far away from being any skill of mine, so to say my lack of skill. Even the baby is teaching me such an important lesson here as it’s growth can’t be forced, it’s health can only be supported in certain ways, but I have no control over the outcome, and through the months passing I have no chance but to sit through sickness, worries, anxieties, doubts… This is just one little example of how this lesson is being taught along the way, there would be so many more. But only if I learn this lesson, too, to give up my strength with which I tend to push things forward, and my control, to give up on my perfectionism, a path to true happiness can begin, resulting in me being content with what I have, not only seeing what could be optimized to be happier. As a god friend of mine always says: happiness is now. And if we’re not able to feel it, then the reason is mostly not that something is severely wrong, but that we are focused on something else that promises a better life. And this better life does not always await us where our focus lies, it awaits us in the lesson that has to be learned. This is why it makes sense to from time to time ask ourselves “What might be the lesson I’m supposed to learn now?” instead of “Where else should I be but here?”

I am planning to post more articles showing your the human side of a coache’s life.
You stay safe and happy and content!