I was a victim of childhood trauma, but now I am no longer a victim.

Posted on October 22, 2020 by Lisa Bergstrom , One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

As a victim of childhood trauma, , my heart goes out to children who are often incorrectly labeled as Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) due to behaving poorly, when in fact they could be reacting to feelings of sadness or embarrassment from untaught life-skills. I remember feeling so alone in this world, wondering why I was ever born? If I failed to obtain negative attention from others, I would obtain none at all,  feeling invisible. My mother would constantly threaten to drop me off at a facility for “bad” children, or expect professionals to “fix” me because she was out of options. However, the more she would drop me off with different  therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, etc., the more angry I became.  My mom would tell them how I was “a bad kid” while acting calm and collective, which infuriated me even more!

Nowadays, as a parent, I understand that many parents mean well, but like my mother, do not know how to better the situation. My goal to bring families closer by helping parents through their personal issues, so that they can parent consistently and confidently. If one family member feels “scapegoated,” the entire family dynamic suffers and tension builds within households. I work with parent of toddlers to teens because both age groups need help transitioning.

Children cannot articulate or understand their emotions very well, and desire guidance from their parents rather than from  professionals. If they do not receive proper direction from their parents, they will be steered by their peers, television, the internet, teachers who doo not share your values and others. Who other than you will offer guidance to YOUR child that will have their best interests at heart?  They absolutely crave your support and direction, and are aware when attempts are made to buy their affection.  

I left home at 14, quit school at 16, and got my GED at age 19. Until I finally realized that blaming my past for my faults was only hurting myself, I finally took charge of my life and enrolled in college. After completing six, non-credit remedial courses, I finally began college courses, in which I consistently made the Dean’s List and graduated with honors from my Master’s Degree program in Psychology. My passion to help families not suffer the turmoil mine did has always been my driving force.

I was able to pull myself out of the hole, but nowadays society is far worse and consequences are more lethal. For example,  suicide is the #1 cause of death in teens, drugs are more prevalent and almost acceptable, medications are used to mask issues, etc. In fact, studies indicate that we actually have genes located in our hippocampus that turn on when our environments provide love, allowing us to manage stress better. But when children grow up in toxic environments, this gene lays dormant. So many factors influence a child’s development and parents of strong-willed children do not realize how their reactions reinforce negative behavior. Too often, parents cannot manage their child, nor do they care for themselves and both factors influence each other negatively.  The bests results occur when parents are willing to work on themselves while providing support for their child or learning ways if their children are younger.