Overcoming the Ego-Self and “Covert Emotional Abuse”
Posted on February 23, 2020 by Andromeda Limmen Chehab, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
When it is about romantic or intimate Narcist relationships, such as a partner or a marriage, the “victim” is also Narcisstic or a Narcist.
“I live, but I don’t live… Feeling dead, but not dead yet.”
Meaning of:
covert
adjectiveUK /ˈkəʊ.vɜːt/ US /ˈkoʊ.vɝːt/
hidden or secret
“If you feel something was very wrong with your childhood, yet you are unable to point to any of the horrific abuse often talked about in the media, this book is for you.
It is for adults who don’t know why they struggle with the things in life that come naturally to others, who find socialising draining because they are easily affected by the moods and the words of others and cannot understand why sadness and dissatisfaction prevail in their lives, while others thrive with seemingly a lot less.
If you struggle with such issues you might be an adult child of a cover narcissistic parent.
Covert narcissistic parents break down their children’s self-esteem and sense of self in order to manipulate them into serving their unhealthy needs and demands. The abuse is subtle and over time, it erodes the victim’s personality, distorts their sense of reality and it does severe damage to their ability to function.
And if you wonder why anyone would do that, the answer is simple; narcissists are not mentally healthy people and their goal is not to raise mentally healthy offspring.
Most parents do not destroy their children. The narcissism is classified as a personality disorder for a reason, and it has to do with the predatory and inadequate way of sustaining their ego.
It is classified as a cluster B personality disorder with a specific set of dynamics and outcomes. This book is not about the academic description, your parents might’ve had full blown narcissism or had strong tendencies, ether way their unhealthy behaviour affected you and you need to understand what happened in order to heal.
Other signs of such abuse are chronic anxiety, getting overwhelmed, concentration problems, substance abuse, irritability, flashbacks of humiliating moments from the past, inability to cope with failure and negative emotions, inability to enjoy the simple things others enjoy.
This indicates something is majorly and fundamentally wrong with your mental state, and it is the result of the prolonged abuse you’ve been through. Worst of all, the abuse is not easily visible or widely acknowledged. Understanding the problem will help you start recovering.
And, of course, this book is for those who already know about narcissism and narcissistic abuse. More specifically it’s about covert narcissistic mothers, and how they inflict lasting damage on their children.”
My own conclusion about Narcism in relationships:
When it is about romantic or intimate Narcist relationships, such as a partner or a marriage, the “victim” is also Narcisstic or a Narcist. If your were not, you would have never entered or accepted the Narcistic relationship or Narcist person. This can also apply to employer/boss-employee/worker relationship. If the “victim” person grew up with a Narcist parent, than undeniably, the child (truly a victim as such, but not less empowered as an adult) can grow up into a young adult and adult with a Narcist character or a reflection of their parent’s character, behaviour and emotional deficiency such as a lack of self-esteem (a main cause of narcism). It takes a Narcist to be with a Narcist, as much as it takes a transformation to a more authentic, empowered and self-loving person (with renewed self-esteem) to survive, transform and transmute the relationship. The Narcist usually does not change or will not change easily, by any means, because the nature of their character is to be not self-reflective and non-empathic with self and/or others. Never forget that Narcism comes from a very low self-esteem, self-value, self-confidence. Something that was also inflicted upon the Narcist from their traumatic or parental past. There is no easy answer, also because a true Narcist will refuse any kind of self-help, therapeutic healing or seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist due to heavy denial of their consciousness. Compassion is an answer to ending the Narc-cycle, meaning a passionate connection to oneself and a heartfelt communication to others.
For survivors:
Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself, Shahida Arabi
Go to selfcarehaven on Wordpress and Youtube for her Channel.
To understand yourself or the “Narcist”:
Narcissistic Mothers and Covert Emotional Abuse: For Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents, Diana Macey
If you suspect your Mother (or your Father) had difficulties having or raising you, or realise your Mother-Daughter / Son relationship is a cause of unhappiness – which is more common than you might think or believe – there have been lots of titles published which you can look into.
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
With Mothers Who Can’t Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters, Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of the smash #1 bestseller Toxic Parents, offers a powerful look at the devastating impact unloving mothers have on their daughters—and provides clear, effective techniques for overcoming that painful legacy.
I hope this help. Now, if you truly had an abusive or cruel Mother, such as Black Cat and her reviewers, you can find a therapeutic effect and validation in her book:
For the Adult Daughters of Evil, Fake, Disrespectful, Sabotaging, Wishy-Washy, Lying-Ass, Unkind, Self-Righteous, Unappreciative, Toxic, Never Satisfied, Manipulative, and Unsupportive Faux-Mothers!, Black Cat.
