EGO is not the Culprit
Posted on February 21, 2020 by Komal Smriti, One of Thousands of Leadership Coaches on Noomii.
EGO is viewed and considered to be the prime culprit for the relationships to fail. However, there is something we are missing in our understanding.
It is common knowledge and understanding that ego is the reason why we do not live to our highest potential and it must die so we can grow, expand and become the best version of ourself. And there are overwhelming evidences available in the history of mankind to prove how ego has been the sole reason for the downfall of not just human relationships but huge empires too. Needless to mention the havoc it created in the form of world wars; cold war; terrorism; and now environment imbalance.
Still, I will say – ego is not the culprit. And this entire fight trying to kill ego is futile and counterproductive.
Ego, in essence is the force or energy that makes us do and be in our specific ways in the world. Simply put, “ego is an identity of our own construction”. The things, qualities, and even values we identify with indicate the nature of our ego, our sense of self and existence in the world.
Can you really imagine a world where people do not know how and in ways they relate to self and to others? Could there be any motivation to do anything? What will propel us to achieve anything, to create anything, to explore or discover anything, if not our ego? Just imagine your existence without curiosity, courage, compassion, kindness, honesty, sincereity, love and affection, friendship, loyalty. All these good qualities and values, that make life worthwhile and beautiful, are the ways in which ego is menifesting itself. Yes, it does. Ego is not just related to negative words. Such is the nature of ego, it simply is how we define ourselves. And the very action or thought of defining our self is the presence of ego. It is that subtly present in us. So, how do you propose to kill something so essentially and inherently part of our existence?
The answer lies in the same definition, “ego is an identity of our own construction”. It means we are creating our own self identity and therefore, we can change it whenever we choose to. But, who is this who has this choice to change the self identity?
This I learnt while doing theatre. When an actor performs on stage, the actor is immersed in the act, still is absolutely aware of every action, movement, dialogue that is being performed. There is a part in us that witnesses what we do, say, think, feel. This part has no identity, no definition, no expression in the world. You may call it soul, awareness, divine, whatever word you may choose.
When our self is connected with this part (awareness) and is listening to it, the self knows that it has a choice to make changes. It is our awareness that enables us to make choices beyond our set boundaries or identities. When with awareness, the self chooses to dissolve its boundaries and allows itself to mould into a different self, it is called ego death. It doesn’t mean ego is finished forever. It just means, self has evolved into a different form, a different self because every death come with another birth. With every transformation, the ego becomes subtler and near its role i.e. of following the awareness to create what is required in the moment.
