Coaching, Driving, and Going for a Ride
Posted on February 10, 2020 by Joseph Domask, One of Thousands of Performance Coaches on Noomii.
If you are not putting yourself in that driver’s seat, you can bet that other forces will step in and happily take you for a ride. The choice is yours
Henry Ford is often credited with this great quote: “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” A more definitive quote in the same vein comes from the 2011 movie version of the The Little Engine that Could: “If you think you can, you will. If you think you can’t, you won’t. Either way, you’re right." See the charming video on Youtube.
The power of the mindset goes beyond a simple belief that you can do something. It is a broader narrative that you have been indoctrinating yourself with for weeks, months, and years. It may even be a narrative that you have let others dictate to you along the way.
I take in some coaching on a daily basis and so do you. The key question here is twofold: (1) are we taking a leading and intentional role in our internal narrative and (2) are we are granting power to the ’good’ coach or the ’bad’ coach in driving that narrative.
Coaching comes in many forms and, too often, we don’t recognize the perpetual self-coaching running through our thoughts on a daily basis. We often fail to recognize the micro-dosages of coaching and counseling we receive from friends, colleagues, and family on a daily basis and the cumulative impact of those experiences. The feedback we receive through our inner dialog and through our conversations with others comes and goes so quickly and on such a constant basis that it is easy to take in that feedback as legitimate and constructive when often it is not.
Pause. Stop and reflect what internal dialog you have been entertaining over the past 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 years. What stories or narratives have you been entertaining, believing, and nurturing as you make it through your busy day? What assumptions have you been building and fortifying?
Consider these alternatives when confronting choices that you face on a daily basis:
“The risks are too great” vs. “I would be a fool not to pursue this opportunity.”
“That path works for people with money and resources, but I don’t….” vs. “I will create my own path, brick by brick and show others a better way.”
“I don’t have the credentials or experience. I could never…” vs. “This is tough, but I know I can figure this out.”
“I don’t have a chance given my situation….” vs. “Nothing is going to stop me no matter how much this world throws at me.”
“The system is rigged against us…why even bother?” vs. “The system is rigged and that is exactly why we must challenge the system and change it for good.”
Have you been developing and nurturing your narratives consciously and purposefully or have you been going along for the ride? Are you on a ride in which you are not the driver but a passenger, allowing narratives to build on their own in your psyche while your mind keeps busy with daily demands, to-do’s, obligations, and other distractions?
If you are not putting yourself in that driver’s seat, you can bet that other forces will step in and happily take you for a ride. Give some thought to this. Where are you turning over power to others? Other people, organizations, fears, norms, or “expert” opinions? How much power have you chosen to cede? How do these choices serve you?
We can’t always be in the driver’s seat of everything we do in general. Life, after all, is full of collaboration, compromise, and coordination with others. However, we can always choose to be in the driver’s seat of our internal voice. We can drive that narrative and we can do so with intention, focus, and purpose.
Just ask David Goggins, author of Can’t Hurt Me and one of the most intense motivational speakers I have come across. Goggins had a tough childhood, an abusive father, grew up in intense poverty, and had teachers who had no faith in him. He became overweight, unhealthy, and a disappointment to himself. Others defined who he was and what he was worth. He bought into that narrative and nurtured it. Goggins struggled immensely to overcome his past and his identity. He eventually found the Navy SEALS and assumed ownership of his life and his mindset. He began to embrace his past and decided to take ownership of his future.
Look at Goggins now (search up Goggins online and you’ll see). He suffered deeply, intentionally put himself through some of life’s greatest physical and mental challenges, and rose up to become an inspiration to many thousands of followers around the world. He is the only member of the U.S. Armed Forces to complete SEAL training (including two Hell Weeks), the U.S. Army Ranger School, and Air Force Tactical Air Controller training. He has completed over 60 ultra-marathons, triathlons, and ultra-triathlons, and set the Guinness World Record for pull-ups, completing 4,030 in 17 hours. In his words:
“We are all great. No matter if you think you’re dumb, fat, been bullied, we all have greatness. You gotta find the courage. It’s going to be hard work, discipline, and the non-cognitive skills – hard work, dedication, sacrifice – that will set you apart.”
The defeatist mindset cannot simply be undone in a day. It takes a longer journey, heavy setbacks and outright failures, struggles, and disappointments along the way.
If you find yourself in that passenger’s seat or allowing your own voice to drive a defeatist narrative, ask yourself how you got there in the first place. Is that the seat you genuinely want to be in? Are you ready to actively engage in courageous and focused self-reflection and self-direction? The choice is yours. Every day. Every moment.
