Can Coaching Prevent More #MeToos? Why Women Should Invest Coaching

Posted on February 03, 2020 by Jose Pinero, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.

On a gray November morning, something unusual showed up on my Facebook news feed. A colleague posted that a friend of hers was in a difficult situation. Her friend, let’s call her “Erin” (to protect her identity) was let go of her job, just a few months after reporting a sexual harassment complaint to her employer’s HR department. As I read my friend’s post, I thought “is this still happening?” Here is another woman victimized by bad behavior from a man. In this case, she was sexually harassed, and to add salt to the wound, fired from her job for speaking up.

Here’s what happened. During a business trip, a senior executive she reported to approached her. He wanted to spend time alone with her one evening. He specifically asked Erin to come to his hotel room alone after a group dinner so they could have some “fun”. She ignored the remarks and brushed them off. He then repeated his request to have her come to his hotel room after the group dinner ended. During dinner, he sat next to her, told her how he was helping her career by sharing positive stories about her projects to the company owner. He said she should be grateful “he was putting a good word for her.” Then he placed his hand on her leg and made more requests. Once again Erin dismissed the advances. He continued to pressure her to come to his room after dinner and she continued to resist his advances by not acknowledging him. Erin was surprised and upset about the harassment, she has a husband and a family, but had she been single would have still been offended. After she returned to work, she decided to stay quiet for a while, only confiding in another co-worker. After some days and talking to friends and trusted people, she decided to tell her husband about the situation and report the harassment to human resources. The HR manager listened to Erin and told her that they would take care of the situation. After some weeks, the same HR manager told Erin she had spoken to the executive about the episode and it had been resolved. Not long after, her work situation started to completely change. The company hired a new manager to supervise Erin’s work and from day one she was suddenly “not performing” or “meeting expectations”. The manager micromanaged Erin, looked over her shoulder, and failed to provide constructive guidance or support to Erin. This new manager would not respond to Erin’s emails asking for critical approvals and key information, which made her job harder. Ultimately, this slowed down projects and made it very hard for Erin to successfully do her job. The company went so far as to install a camera looking directly at Erin’s desk. Finally, the company let go of Erin, claiming they were eliminating her position.

I am sharing Erin’s story for several reasons: first, what happened to Erin is unacceptable. No woman should lose her job or be penalized personally or professionally because she speaks up about sexual harassment or improper male conduct; second, some people and resources can help and support women as they go through a job crisis or a sexual harassment situation. As more women come forward to report bad behavior from men, it is imperative to seek support so they don’t have to endure a bad situation alone.

After hearing Erin’s story, I offered to step in to coach her. I took this case because I am tired of seeing women treated unfairly by men in positions of power. Not only do women have to speak up, but men, like me and others reading this, need to do our part to help stop this epidemic of abuse. If we men, look the other way, make excuses, or justify bad behavior from other men, we are allowing abuse to continue.

When Erin met with me, she felt helpless and thought she had no options but to take what her employer was pressuring her to accept. They offered to pay her only 1-month severance and have her sign an agreement forcing her to never speak about what happened, releasing the company from any wrongdoing and liability. Erin was worried about her family running out of money, was stressed about finding another role, and was almost ready to give in. She wanted this bad experience to end as quickly as possible.

Just like a management consultant looks at a challenging business problem, I look at a life situation and apply a problem-solving approach. I learned the details of her situation, jointly defined a successful outcome for her, generated alternative scenarios and analyzed them. What resulted was a plan for her to successfully end this chapter and get proper financial compensation for her troubles.

Like everyone facing a difficult situation, Erin needed to feel there were people in her corner, rooting for her, and supporting her. When I met her she was close to giving in to the pressure from her employer, sign a release and walk away almost empty-handed. I had to tell her: “No, you’re not going to let them win, if you fight this, you will not only feel empowered but be compensated fairly.” Unfortunately, women give up the fight too easily when facing these challenging situations.

Erin’s next steps were finding a lawyer, which she found. She was able to approach the company legally, with the right people supporting her, and negotiate a 6-month severance payout. The company also admitted they had done something very wrong.

As a company leader myself, who hires both women and men to consult clients and also provides coaching, I aim to help people achieve their personal and professional dreams, which is a beautiful notion. Yet often what I see more of are difficult situations like a job crisis, divorce, sexual harassment, or other traumatic life challenges. In all cases, we end up helping everyone, wherever they are, but I must acknowledge groups of minorities seem to struggle more than other privileged groups. For example, most heterosexual men have no fear of losing their jobs over a sexual harassment incident. Most men enjoy sustainable job security throughout their careers. It’s women and minorities who must leave bad situations, disrupting both their lives and career trajectory so they can find supportive environments where they can work. This stunts promotion opportunities and one’s ability to manifest success.

Erin is a married woman with kids and she is also her family’s primary income generator. She is a dynamic go-getter, having worked in marketing and advertising for several years, she has excelled in her field. In this scenario, she landed a marketing role at a private company where most executives and managers are male. Erin is very competent in her job, she has a track record of generating positive results at her previous roles. The situation looks clear to me: a competent female professional reject sexual advances from the company’s male executive and she gets fired for doing so. I suspect that Erin’s new manager’s number one priority was to get rid of her as well. We see women in these situations like this every day, many without proper support and guidance. I believe Erin was able to persevere because of my help and a lawyer’s help. And while she was able to get a fair settlement, it is taking Erin time to recover from this traumatic experience.

“That company put me through hell,” Erin recalls. She wants other women to know there are options and excellent resources out there to help women through tough circumstances. Many women can easily start questioning their worth, as Erin did, “I was questioning myself. Am I not a good professional? It was a rollercoaster of emotions and feelings.”

If you or any woman you know is in a situation similar to what Erin went through, please let them know there are resources who can help. Collectively as a society, we need to put a stop to the abuse that has wounded our mothers, sisters, spouses, partners, daughters, and friends for far too long. The time to say “Time’s up” and “enough” is now. We can create positive change if we speak up, don’t accept injustices, and we (as good men and women) work together to advocate real, measurable change.

About Jose:
Jose is the CEO of The Cultivation Company, a collective of experienced professional coaches who assess career and life situations, define goals, and create a plan for achieving success. Jose also works as a consultant to Fortune 500 companies and is the author of the upcoming book “Mucho Success – Vol.1 – How Latino leaders made it in America”.

He can be reached at jose@latinoleadership.net or 425-283-9555