Unearthing Self-limiting beliefs – re-framing YOUR thought sequence

Posted on November 10, 2019 by Sureya Naidoo, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

In this article, I chose to show vulnerability and morality to you, my readers, because ‘Integrity’ is one of my core values, and it was a conscious decision to stand firm in this value and truth.

It all began the day I embarked upon my journey of becoming a Life Coach. In hindsight, it was a traverse I wasn’t prepared for and at first, found myself emotionally hijacked.
The Coaching program advanced, all the while reiterating the importance of standing firmly in the meta-skills of authenticity and curiosity, which was a requisite in becoming a Coach. At this point, things looked unpromising and I questioned my decision about becoming a Coach, as my multiple aspects of self-began to unravel. It felt like a reunion of wounded souls – as each of my many personalities emerged, wanting to share their narrative with me. Some need to be heard, to be seen and to be acknowledged. I suddenly felt ambushed by my inner emotions, whilst the prevalent urge was to silence these voices, I was also acutely aware of the importance of demonstrating the willingness to be authentic if I had any chance of becoming a Life Coach. So, I bravely plunged on though taken hostage by fear.
I succumb to the ‘acceptance’ that I was learning about ‘self’ at a deeper level of consciousness, having the willingness to embrace my “inner child”. Unaware of the mayhem that would follow in the days that pursued in the Program.
During the role-playing activities of the course, my fellow Coaches and I practiced powerful questioning techniques, with the intent of untapping old patterns and behaviors to see what might emerge from the past.
The questions were positioned from one of the many principles of Coaching, i.e. ‘non-judgmental’ approach, this evoked a sense of comfort and safety, which encouraged enthusiasm to take a deeper look within. At this point, it all felt preserved and innocuous, which allowed me to become more curious.
This is where the “incident” emerged, “I suddenly found myself teleporting back in time to an age of Innocence – I was 9 years old”. I was an aspiring young girl, bold, curious, inquisitive, independent and somewhat fearless, whose dream it was to become renown ‘Reporter’ someday.
It suddenly felt very familiar, there I was sat on the floor around a coffee table, in the center of my grandmother’s living room surrounded by family. My Grandmother, cousins, and my two aunts who at the time were both school teachers and invariably my role models (whom I sought constant approval from) as you would at that age!
Interestingly, the reason we are all sat in the living room is that I was being tutored to complete my homework assignment. I had to find a newspaper article, that I was to recite and deliver at my ‘show and tell’ lesson, at school the next morning.
Enthused and eager, I had chosen an article about a woman who had been ‘raped’, unaware of the censorship and sensitivity of the subject – at 9 years old. My stance was willful, and I was adamant that this was my chosen article, one I had independently selected to deliver to my audience.
This is where the “incident” unfolded – my enthusiasm was met with resistance, shock, horror, anger, and disappointment, this I remember SO distinctly. The energy in the room shifted from loving and fostering, to mocking, provoking and harsh. The words that followed were, “You are forward, and nosy, too big for your boots, why can’t you just be obedient and listen to the advice of your elders”. My immediate reaction was confusion and embarrassment, followed by a timid apology.
At that very moment, a 9-year-old consumed by a flurry of shock, I searched their faces for the reasons they were so fueled by anger and disappointment but found none. Instead, I was reminded of my disobedience and how no one ‘liked or respected’ a disobedient child. Ashamed by the accusations, unable to fully comprehend what I did wrong, my only recourse to sheepishly apologize and promise that I will never do it again.
Following that apology, I became silenced by confusion and shame. The consequence of which was that I labeled myself as ‘forward and disrespectful’. This reaction entrenched a behavioral change in me, which reinforced the need for me to conform to the behaviors displayed by my cousins. I unconsciously associated this to be obedient, respectful and safe as a child. Henceforth all my assumptions and decisions were made from this unconscious bias or rather ‘self-limiting belief’.
In hindsight, it was this ‘moment’ in time that redefined my childlike enthusiasm, willfulness, and independence. I was unconsciously disowning my boldness, inquisitiveness, uniqueness, and confidence.
Notwithstanding, this self-limiting belief began to control my way of thinking and being, and inevitably my way of living. It became the framework from which I harvested my choices and that which underpinned my character. My self-fulfilled prophecies were engineered from this place, and this affirmed the state from which I either fulfilled my life or sacrificed from (the latter seemed more apparent). Seemingly, this is where I interpreted the levels of my self-confidence, self-worth, self-love, self-respect, and eventually my self-development from.
In retrospect, the outcome of this “incident” might have been so contrasting, had my elders not parented from their taboos of modesty, awkwardness, conservativeness and a veiled way of living, which at the time forbid them from explaining the sensitivity of ‘rape’ to a 9-year-old year.
If not for my Coaching course, this self-limiting belief would have continued to afflict my life, my choices, my decisions, my actions and my state of being. I became acutely aware of how this thought pattern had sabotaged and negatively simulated the events in my life that followed.
Both, Coaching and the related experiences through my Journey, have been a remarkable source of encouragement to uncover the ‘gift of truth’, which has allowed me to stand in the courage of who ‘I AM’ – unveiling the authenticity of my tenacity.
Life Coaching skillfully provoked the stillness in me, thereupon evoking the Power within, to shine the spotlight on my intrinsic values, i.e. “independence, uniqueness, inquisitiveness, curiosity, boldness, and freedom, which were innately present, yet I chose to suppress instead.

As soon as I chose to consciously authenticate these values, it felt like I was honoring my highest most beloved self and it is from this place that I now LIVE, CREATE AND MANIFEST my Life from.
Having first directly experienced the ‘Power of Coaching’ and the profound impact it had on my Life. I am honored to be a Coach and be of service to others, by engaging with the willingness and empathy to guide them towards unleashing their Power and Truth.

In conclusion, our childhood is the foundation from which we influence the World and others. Our parents and teachers did the best they could, parenting from ‘Their Tree of Life’, meaning ‘They could only give – that which they knew’, and that which was derived from their childhood.

This said we should look within and forgivingly pardon them for the unknowing mistakes they may have made, and simultaneously acquit ourselves of the guilt and anger felt towards them for not parenting from the inside out (i.e. establishing a deeper understanding of their own life stories). The truth is that they were none the wiser.
However, for those of you reading this article (Parents, Single, or in Relationships) whose attention I have managed to hold up until this point. Respectfully note, that it is your inner duty to acknowledge that you have the self-awareness to shift perspectives, by unlocking your personal self-limiting beliefs – to acclaim your POWER TO SHINE.

I will conclude with a brief list of questions that you may probe within yourself, to understand what ‘self-limiting belief might be holding you Captive!
• Who told you that?
• Who told you that you’re not good enough?
• Where is this coming from?
• Whose voice is that?
• Do you know this to be true?

Published November 11, 2019: Dubai, UAE