Create what you want in your relationships
Posted on October 17, 2019 by Stuart Horton, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Are you creating what you want in your relationships? If you want to have the kind of relationships that your heart yearns for you have to create it.
Our personal and professional lives involve us relating to people on a daily basis. While most relationships bring us great joy and satisfaction some are tense, involve confrontation and cause ongoing issues that can affect our home and work life. When there is conflict, it is particularly easy to put blame or see fault in the other person. Our thinking goes something like “they don’t understand me” or “its all their fault” or “I can’t talk to them about anything” or “I wish they wouldn’t annoy me so much”.
A useful principle to remember is that whatever we give our attention to, we bring that into our experience of the relationship. For example, if we only see negativity, annoying habits and wrong actions, then we will quickly become frustrated and angry and our interactions will be fuelled by those thoughts and feelings. It might look like an angry or confrontational conversation, or do the opposite and avoid them all the while holding on to our grievances, disappointment and resentment. In both these situations our emotional state is in the hands of the other person and we use that as an excuse to feel miserable and upset.
If you are struggling with a relationship, journalling can help. Write down what you want the relationship to be like, then write down the story you are telling yourself about the other person. Most likely you will notice that your perception of the other person isn’t lined up with your desire for what you want the relationship to be like and this is where the tension lies. Now focus on what is good and right about the other person, what they say or do that is positive and what’s working well in the relationship. Focus on alternatives and solutions to problems rather than what is wrong. The key is to focus on what you want and think in ways that cause you to feel good and this will create a happier experience when you interact with them.
Are you creating what you want in your relationships?
