Do Not Count On Second Chances
Posted on October 15, 2019 by Jill Byron, One of Thousands of Health and Fitness Coaches on Noomii.
Unbeknownst to be, my son was in crisis. I was too busy managing my own self-created crises to even notice his struggles.
If you asked me six months ago what was most important to me I would have said it was my children. If you looked at my actions alone you would have guessed money, career, ego, etc.
I was completely stressed out at a job that was literally sucking the life out of me but paid the bills. I put so much pressure on myself as the sole provider for my two children that I was literally sacrificing my life and health to bring home the bacon. I hated my job; it literally gave me hives. I just kept thinking I was stuck, at least for now, while I built up my coaching business on the side. Once I was bringing in enough revenue from coaching to quit my other full-time job, I would do so responsibly. My genius plan was to actually at least DOUBLE the amount of stress as a full-time corporate employee and full-time entrepreneur. At the time, this plan made the most sense to me. Even though I made more than the average household for where we live, we still lived paycheck to paycheck and I was afraid of being financially insecure.
Did I mention my children are the most important thing to me? Because I spent almost no time with them and when I was with them I was pushing them out of the way to get to my coaching business. On days I did not have clients or business duties I literally came home and went to bed, even if it was 6 PM and sunny out. I was exhausted and physically in pain. I went to my doctor believing I had mono, adrenal fatigue or even meningitis. It turned out that none of these diagnoses were the culprit. Instead I was informed I had physiological symptoms of stress; my muscles were so tense my body could not relax and recover during sleep and my jaw was clenched closed causing jaw and face pain accompanied by severe and persistent migraines. I kept pushing through, believing this was the only way to take care of my family.
Unbeknownst to be, my son was in crisis. I was too busy managing my own self-created crises to even notice Ethan’s struggles. Ethan has since shared with me that he did not want to tell me what was going on because I was so evidently stressed already and he was concerned that his news, his needs, would put me over the edge. So he struggled silently and alone. He finally reached a place of hopelessness and tried to take his own life. WTF was I doing? I was completely unavailable to my own children, their only parent, leaving them to not only navigate life alone but also having to tip-toe around their mother who was always on the edge of losing her shit. I quit my six-figure soul sucking corporate job with no back-up plan.
We were blessed with a wake up call that forced us to align action with values. Without warning, I had to leave the security of a corporate career and paycheck to be fully present for my family. My love for them was greater than my fear of losing what I was able to afford on my salary. We have experienced miracle after miracle since making this dramatic change. We are immensely happier, I am genuinely present and focused on my children and my own health AND my business is flourishing. For the first time in maybe forever I do not feel like I’m fighting to survive. I only now understand the irony.
Today, do everything in your power to live in love rather than fear. You may not get a second chance. Slow down and pay attention to where you spend your energy and why. We are here to find comfort in love and each other; not money and things.
Jill Byron is a certified holistic health coach and registered yoga teacher. Learn more at SimpleHeartHealth.com.
