Leaving your Lady Legacy

Posted on September 13, 2019 by Julie Lokun, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

She was a mother, wife, homemaker and mixologist for her husband when he required his shaken-not stirred martini after his hard day at the office. Grandma was the purveyor of indulgent casseroles, neatly hemmed pinafores and a skillful hand at Bridge. She knew exactly how she would meet each day and did it with the confidence that her neighbors enjoyed the same, homogenous lifestyle.

The immergence of the female battle cry in the 60s and 70s was quite an uncomfortable time for members of grandma’s circle. Ladies who were like my grandmother quickly became outdated and irrelevant. As opportunity opened for fresher , more progressive gals – the tenure of the coiffed housewife faded into 50’s oblivion. The housewife was packaged and revisited with a “Leave it to Beaver” lens.

In the matter of a few years, and several hard-fought Supreme Court rulings, womanhood was permanently altered. There was no going back. A collective bra was burned and set us free. Can I get an “AMEN”?

Finally, woman had the ability to make personal decisions regarding the regulation of their anatomy. We were gifted , from male dominated legislators the choice to manage our fertility. This brilliant explosion of feminist led change launched housewives into unimaginable atmospheric success.

While the ladies (and gents) of the 60s/70s propped the door open. A sliver of light filtered through and us gals basked in the warmth of the light. Gender equality was gaining national attention at a Federal level. The rally cry of Ms. Gloria Steinem beckoned to like-minded humans. And the era of Girl Power intensified.

And this is where it got a little confusing- the Lady Legacy was unquantifiable. The “gentler” sex could be a homemaker, and astronaut, a doctor, a plumber—whatever and whomever they chose to be. Surely there have been stumbling blocks along the way- but it became the norm for girls to believe that they were not relegated to career in the home.

Billie-Jean King graced the tennis court competing against Bobby Riggs in an electrifying match- while Sandra Day O’Connor graced the Supreme Court with the eloquence of an un-matched intellect.

And as we were bombarded with the messages that we are equal to men, our external self worth was still to be defined by our femininity. I find this juxtaposition fascinating. While we are told that we should strive for dominance professionally and we are equally assailed with messages that bigger breasts and poutier lips dictate our self worth.

This is when you have to start digging. Unearth the truth of who you are at your very core. What are your core values and are you representing these values with integrity. And when you make decisions to veer from the course of who you really, truly are that is when you may find at a stumbling block.

DO YOU FIND YOURSELF LIVING IN HARMONY WITH YOUR VALUES? Life will have so much more meaning when you live in accordance with your value system. To determine this set of intrinsic values you need to begin with self-awareness. This is key in forming the roadmap of who you are and where you want to go.

**Take time and understand your core beliefs and values— ASK QUESTIONS:

Am I Kim Kardashian?
Where do you find you make the most impact in your life?
Am I a badass homemaker with a side hustle?
What rules do you impose but are hard for you to follow?
At what time are you at your best?
Are there qualities in others you detest?

Once you have a deep understanding of who you are at a cellular level—your choices should fall into alignment with your core truths. And—as a noted side effect—your relationships will flourish. This feeling of alignment will permeate to all that you meet. The vibrational energy you emit will radiate to those you touch.

This prose should not be read as an anti-feminist rant. It is the quite the opposite. I was born in an era where I have the freedom to chose a birth plan—(thank you Margaret Sanger), a career path and my sexual orientation. Hell— I can be a man if I want to be.

Truth Be Told-
I made incorrect decisions based on this confusion. I knew I wanted to make an big impact. I wanted to compete on a level men had done in my family for generations. Yet, in my core, I was clearly feminine and wanted to be a mom, a wife and create a home. I enjoy a drawer stocked with beauty products and have a slight addiction to pink.

My decision to go to law school was profound. I felt a connection with my father and grandfathers that made me so proud of myself. And when I walked across the stage at my law school commencement I felt powerful. Yet- my heart was not fully vested. This career that would take 80 hours of my week and leave my sons at home without me.—their momma. Lawyering was not the real me.

This was hard for me to admit to myself. I was groomed to be the next legal eagle in my family. What I KNOW is that while I was trying to be a bad ass boy-like executive I ignored my truth— I love being a woman. I found contentment in the role of mother and wife. *Albeit, a driven and educated mom/wife. Domestic goddess, I am not- but I try. And I found passion on earth is to help other humans and give a voice to those who are intended to rise. It is a fine dance between accessing my female spirit and understanding my masculine pursuits.