How to Remove Toxic People from your life

Posted on August 19, 2019 by Lisa Lyttle, One of Thousands of Business Coaches on Noomii.

Unfortunately, we all have negative or I like to call them “toxic” people in our lives. They are the ‘Negative Nancy’s’, the ‘Debbie Downers’, the people that always criticize us, put us down, and make us feel like crap. It’s crucial that we kick these people to the curb and remove them from our lives, regardless of their importance in our lives.

In this article, I will break down who these people are, what they do, how they act and the different types of negative/toxic people. I’ll then give you the SOLUTION on how to kick them out of your life.

What is a negative/toxic person?
These are the people around us that always bring you down. They can literally contaminate and destroy your life. These people can range from mildly toxic to completely dysfunctional. They make you miserable, regardless of how toxic they are. These people are usually angry on the inside, they do not operate out of a place of high consciousness. They discourage you and will fill your brain with limiting beliefs.

Signs of a toxic person:

• They constantly judge you

• They insult you for no reason

• They are passive-aggressive

• They always feel like a ‘victim’

• They are chronically negative

• They are condescending

When we are children, our brains are like sponges. But it doesn’t stop at childhood. All throughout our lives, we are constantly learning and absorbing the things around us. So, it just makes sense that if you’re surrounded by a negative person, you, yourself will start to absorb that negativity and will become negative. You will become miserable, you’ll feel unworthy and will fill your mind with disbelief. Life is already challenging enough, why make it more difficult? There’s no reason to bring yourself down because of the toxic people around you. What you want is people to encourage you, fill you up with positivity and bring you up.

Jim Rohn says that you are the average of the top 5 people you most spend time with. It’s who you become.

A small exercise for you: Write down on a piece of paper the top 5 people you hang out with the most. Look at your list and ask yourself if any of them are toxic? Who do you want to surround yourself with? Empowering and positive people or disempowering and negative people? Be completely honest with yourself here.

Who are toxic people?
Anyone can be toxic. It can be your boss, a co-worker or business partner. It could be a client or customer you serve. It could be a friend. It could be your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband. It could also be your parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins or even your own children.

There’s a variety of reasons why a person might be toxic, but these are the most common:

• They have depression

• They have angry or violent tendencies. Ranging from arguments to huge fights and abuse.

• They are closed-minded about life, they have religious beliefs, they’re dogmatic.

• They play a victim role, always negative with limiting beliefs.

• They are overly dramatic. They always turn something small into something huge.

• They have an addiction. Ranging from mild: food, tv, video games to heavy: drugs, alcohol

• They’re involved in criminal activity

The Solution
It’s actually a really simple solution, it’s so simple most people don’t think of it. You need to cut them out, remove them from of your life. Negativity spreads through your body like a fire spreads through a dry forest. It affects everything in your life, your habits, your behaviour, your ways of thinking and it will ultimately change your perspective of the world.

It doesn’t matter who these people are in your life, you need to build up the courage and cut them out immediately. You’re probably thinking, family? You can’t cut family. Best friend? You’ve been friends for decades! You can’t cut them out of your life. Sorry to break it to you, but everyone can be cut. You family you will cut out as your last resort. This doesn’t mean you cut them out of your life for any silly reason.

You only cut people when they continuously violate your principles. Obviously, depending on your relationship with them, you can give them a little more lee-way, but even with the people like your mom, dad, sister, brother or even your own children, you need to set clear boundaries. Otherwise they will keep pushing you to see what they can get away with. It’s important not to issue idle threats, they will quickly learn that they are only threats, only words and they they’ll keep breaking your boundaries over and over again.

How to remove someone from your life?
It all depends on the person. It depends on your relationship with them, how important they are to you and how important you are to them. Here’s several ways:

• Sit them down & talk to them. Tell them the problems you have with them and break it off.

• Tell the person not to contact you anymore.

• Delete their number

• Block them from social media

• Block their email

• If it’s a boyfriend or girlfriend, break up with them. Breakups are super hard, but
  sometimes you gotta do it, even when it’s really hard. Trust me, I know…I’ve been there.

• If you’re in a marriage and your spouse is really toxic, consider a divorce. I don’t say this
  lightly and it could be a long, nasty process. But it’s better than sitting through a toxic
  marriage for the next ten, twenty or thirty plus years.

• If it’s someone in your job or business, try to change jobs, departments or relocate if
  possible.

• If you’re the boss and it’s your employee, fire them. If it’s your clients that are toxic, end
  the relationship regardless if it’s great money.

There is no reason to cut everybody in your life. You can start by talking to someone that’s really violating your values and if you’re completely fed up with their negativity etc, explain to them and lay out your expectations, boundaries and principles are. It’s a very difficult conversation, but sometimes it can change that person. Sometimes they are not aware they are being negative and toxic. If they value the relationship, they will make an effort and try to change, so it’s worth the conversation. They’ll know that you’ll cut them off if they don’t change. They’ll have a clear understanding on what’s required going forward and they’ll start taking you very seriously.

Sometimes these people don’t want to change and unfortunately, this will be the most common scenario. These people simply don’t care, they don’t want to accommodate you. They wont listen to you and they will continue to violate your values. In these cases, you need to be a good judge of character. You might even need to use your intuition. As we get older and more mature, we develop skills that help us distinguish who has a good or bad character. It’s a subjective thing according to our own values. You’ll get a sense of who these people are and you’ll be able to steer clear of them right away. These are the people in your life you’ll need to cut.

What happens if you can’t remove the person?
Sometimes in life we put ourselves in bad positions where we can’t cut people out of our lives. They essentially have a rope around our neck and have complete power over us. A long-term solution is to re-design your life so that your situation changes. Where you no longer rely on this person, so that you can cut them off.

Maybe the person you want to cut you rely on financially – they pay your bills. Or maybe it’s your intimate relationship. You want love, companionship, sex and you feel like you are getting this with your current relationship. Maybe it’s a business partner that teaches you new skills and you’re afraid to lose a valuable connection. Maybe its a friend, you have a long history together and you feel attached to them emotionally. You feel trapped. So ask yourself, how do I make myself more independent? What are the steps I need to take to un-trap myself?

If you can’t cut a person, limit your exposure to them. How many hours a week are you spending with this person? Try to reduce the time by half. Think of creative ways to limit your exposure. To counter their effect on you, add more positive people into your life. It could be people you know that are positive, but you could also find this on digital media like self-help videos, podcasts, books and seminars. Positive, inspiring and uplifting videos can help pull you out. So if you can’t completely cut all the negativity out of your life, then raise the positive influences in your life.

Tell me, have you ever had to remove a toxic person from your life? How did you do it? What was the outcome? I’d love to hear your stories!

Lisa Lyttle
Life & Business Coach
415-484-5014
info@lisalyttle.com
www.lisalyttle.com