Hide and Seek

Posted on May 03, 2011 by Veronica Forsman, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

When you think about the game Hide and Seek, what first goes through your mind?
Do you find your mind going back to the days of your childhood, counting to 10 and frantically running around looking in all of the nooks and crannies to find the person hiding from you? Do you find yourself feeling that rush of adrenaline and fear coursing through you at the thought of being found? Do you perhaps find yourself remembering that conflicting feeling of victory mixed with disappointment as you realize you’ve been in your hiding spot a bit too long and no one will find you until you make yourself known?

Today I’m pondering this and more as I think about how even in our adulthood, we play Hide and Seek with ourselves each and every day.

One of the realities of our time today is that we fill it right up, from dawn to dusk and beyond, giving our energy and the very best parts of ourselves to our work, our family and friends, our day to day tasks…this daily habit tends to leave little to no time to build into ourselves.

Now I know already you might be reading this and thinking, ‘This is completely unrealistic! It’s a nice dream, to imagine taking time each day to do things for myself…yea right! Never going to happen!’

Stay with me here, I think there’s something to this…

We must believe, that when we take time to invest in growth and understanding of the things that are important to us, we become more knowledgeable and successful in those things. We trust in what we know. We become more confident in what we know. Can you disagree with that? So it goes to reason, that if we take the time to invest and grow in ourselves, take time to learn about the things that are important to us, those things that make us uniquely US, that we will trust in ourselves more readily, have more self confidence and ultimately have less of a need to play that game of Hide and Seek.

The truth is, when we play a one sided game of Hide and Seek from ourselves, hiding away with no purposeful intention of seeking out ourselves and the desires of our heart, then we cannot be whole as a person, and everything in our lives in effected by this.

When you don’t come to a relationship, a job – when you cannot look in the mirror and KNOW who is looking back at you – then you simply cannot give the best of yourself to any of the things in your life that really count.

The Persian poet Rumi shares with us that what we are hiding from one another is what he calls the ‘Open Secret’. That it is a waste for us to hide our vulnerabilities and self-doubts hidden from one another because we all share the same vulnerabilities and self-doubts. How true. Many times, I hear the same fears and concerns from clients that hold them back from living their best life. They keep these things hidden away so well that they don’t even know anymore where to look to uncover them and face them so that they can begin to heal and move forward. And time and time again, when we are courageous enough to share those fears and concerns with another human being, we find that person shares an understanding, as they themselves have felt fear and self-doubt. It is then, in the sharing of those things – the Seeking out and FINDING of those things – that we become more whole.

I challenge you today to take time each day to seek out those things in your life you might be hiding from others and yourself. That you would see it as a way to invest in the very best of what makes you YOU, so that you can live your best life in a whole and real place. You’re worth it.

I also challenge you to share that Open Secret with not only yourself, but with those people in your life that deserve to know all of you and will share in that Open Secret with you. In doing so, you create a stronger, more confident and real you, while at the same time creating the ability with those people in and around your world to create a stronger, more confident and real them.

Let’s face it. It’s no fun playing a game that is meant to be shared all by ourselves. And it’s certainly no fun playing Hide and Seek if you’re never going to be found. Now, play nice! :)

" The irony of hiding the dark side of our humanness is that our secret is not really a secret at all. How can it be when we’re all safeguarding the very same story? That’s why Rumi calls it an Open Secret. It’s almost a joke-a laughable admission that each one of us has a shadow self-a bumbling, bad-tempered twin. Big surprise! Just like you, I can be a jerk sometimes. I do unkind, cowardly things, harbor unmerciful thoughts, and mope around when I should be doing something constructive. Just like you, I wonder if life has meaning; I worry and fret over things I can’t control; and I often feel overcome with a longing for something that I cannot even name. For all of my strengths and gifts, I am also a vulnerable and insecure person, in need of connection and reassurance. This is the secret I try to keep from you, and you from me, and in doing so, we do each other a grave disservice.

Rumi tells us that moment we accept what troubles we’ve been given, the door will open. Sounds easy, sounds attractive, but it is difficult, and most of us pound on the door to freedom and happiness with every manipulative ploy save the one that actually works. If you’re interested in the door to the heavens opening, start with the door to your own secret self. See what happens when you offer to another a glimpse of who you really are. Start slowly. Without getting dramatic, share the simple dignity of yourself in each moment-your triumphs and your failures, your satisfaction and your sorrow. Face your embarrassment at being human, and you’ll uncover a deep well of passion and compassion. It’s a great power, your Open Secret. When your heart is undefended you make it safe for whomever you meet to put down his burden of hiding, and then you both can walk through the open door."

~ An excerpt from Elizabeth Lesser’s book, ‘Broken Open’