Emotional Regulation - what does that mean?
Posted on June 25, 2019 by Charlotte Haggie, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
How do we manage our emotions? How do we stop ourselves from getting 'hijacked' so that we can operate as whole, thoughtful people?
I went to a wonderful workshop this morning where I was introduced for the first time to ‘Emotional Regulation’. It all makes sense to me but it was the first time that I had been provided with an insight into this model and I got excited to share it with you all as it struck a chord with me. Thank you to Jackie Palmer from ‘ConsultUp’ for introducing me to this and other great tools!
We have three ‘systems’, as in the picture above. The blue represents our ‘drive’, the red the ‘threat’ system and the green our ‘contentment’ system. Within our lives, I realised that our thoughts can have a big impact on which system we ‘operate’ out of and thus whether or not there is a balance between the three. It is important that all three exist but we need to regulate it so that one is not overriding the role of the others in our lives. Most people jump between threat and drive and the contentment system lacks input and the opportunity to carry out its function.
We were asked this morning to draw a circle as in the picture above for each system and then fill in the thoughts/people/situations relevant to that system. For example, in the ‘drive’ system, fill in those things, people, thoughts, dreams, desires that excite you and make you feel alive and filled with anticipation and exhilaration. In the ‘threat’ system, fill in the circle with those things that make you feel anxious or fearful, that put you down or make you want to fight or flight. In the ‘contentment’ system, write those things that make you feel calm, that make you feel safe and, well, content. (Content is different to happy. I think that contentment goes much deeper than happiness and one can be content without necessarily being happy. For instance, I know that when I feel like I am in control of my life, I feel content. This does not necessarily mean that I am happy with how things are going and with the status quo, but I feel a sense of contentment and calmness.)
One other thing Jackie mentioned this morning that I loved was that the internal dialogue in our heads is equal to the external dialogue that we hear from those around us or from the situations that we find ourselves in. The points that we note in each circle can include the situations/people/issues that are external to us but we are also impacted in those systems by our internal thoughts. And the thing is that the place where we have control over is the internal, OUR own thoughts and behaviours.
And so, for me, that is the place where I need to – and can – start making the changes. That is the place where I need to start looking at how I can create more balance in my systems so that my internal thoughts and attitudes and ideas don’t crowd out and cause a malfunction in one system but are balanced between all three and I can find contentment in amongst the protection and the drive that the other systems offer.
Try to do this exercise on your own and see if it helps you. I would love to hear your responses!!!
