Empathetic listening in order to improve couple communication

Posted on May 08, 2019 by Julius Xavier, One of Thousands of Family Coaches on Noomii.

When your spouse is talking to you, lend him/her your best listening ear along with a sensitive heart. In order to absorb fully what is being communicated to you develop a habit of empathetic, mindful listening and make sincere effort to eliminate all internal & external distractions. It is always easy to put forth what you think is right but it may not always be true unless you listen with your heart.

Simultaneously clear your mind of all prejudice. When your spouse starts to talk to you ,do your best to clear your head off any thoughts that are occupying your mind. Remove any sense of judgement about the person who is talking

To listen to your spouse with a preconceived idea of who you think he/she is or what they are about to say, puts you at a disadvantage because you may miss what you could otherwise learn from your spouse who is talking.

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes: Experiences, emotions, feelings are relative, meaning your partner may react and see things based on how they view you. Put yourself in your spouse’s perspective, who is talking and try to see the situation or statement from his/her angle.

Maintain eye contact: When your spouse is talking to you, do not look at the floor or ceiling or whatever else is surrounding you. Just look into the eyes of your spouse who is talking. It shows you care. Wouldn’t you want your spouse to do the same for you?

Ask for clarification: If your spouse says something that you don’t understand or is not very clear, don’t assume a thing but ask your spouse to clarify and explain their statement. Many times people assume that the partner means one thing when in reality they could be talking about something totally different. There is nothing wrong with asking questions as long as you ask them with compassion and not with a sense of ridiculing or antagonising your partner.

Create a trusting space: Sometimes it is difficult for your spouse to open themselves up and tell you what is on their mind. If you can really be attentive to what your your spouse saying it indirectly tells your spouse that it is safe for them to be themselves with you and that you can be trusted.