Learning Mindfulness From The Hard of Hearing
Posted on March 24, 2019 by Bronwyn Radcliffe, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
How living with someone who is hard of hearing can teach you mindfulness
My husband, William, is hard of hearing. For me, who can hear a pin drop, it’s frustrating. Annoying. Always having to repeat myself. Ugh. However, living with someone with hearing loss, has been a huge lesson in mindfulness.
The radio has always been a part of my life. My mother kept it on all day. It sat on a small shelf in the kitchen window, forever tuned to AM 1140 with Alden Arrow. I was 10 when I got my very own transistor radio. I listened to Casey Kasem’s Top 40 every week. Before I met William, music and radio were a part of my life, as I, too, kept the radio on. When he told me it sounded like loud static, I turned it off. Radio was my comfort. Turning it off for William meant I was living in a silent home.
According to the National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders(4), hearing loss cannot be cured. Approximately 18% of those over 18 report some trouble hearing. Occurring most commonly over age 41, it’s ironic that just as we learn to listen, our hearing diminishes. While deafness is usually the result of inner ear or nerve damage, hearing loss may be caused by a congenital defect, injury, disease, certain medications, exposure to loud noise, or age-related wear and tear. Hard of hearing (HoH) from gunfire and loud equipment, William says his hearing aids are amplified mechanical sound that don’t filter extraneous noise. It quickly becomes sensory overload. So, he rarely uses them.
Because Medicare and most health insurance don’t cover hearing, vision, or dental, all very important components of health and wellbeing for any age, but especially for those over 65(3), getting help is expensive. Today hearing aids are much less than they were 10 years ago, but you can expect to pay at least $2500 for moderate technology. A really good quality product that connects to your bluetooth devices and allows you to quickly adjust for restaurant, party, bike riding, home life, etc will cost about $4000.
William taught me how to speak with those who are HoH. Raising the volume is rarely needed, but slowing down, giving ‘hang-time’ in conversation allows the HoH to process the words in context to the situation. The brain works on memory; auto-filling for both visual and auditory input. If the words and context are familiar, the brain supplies words it thinks belong there, but if it’s new information, processing time is required. Given time HoH can take what they hear and apply it to the situation at hand, coming up with words that make sense. Using all the consonants and syllables in words, while looking directly at the person is very helpful. This is good practice in conversation as it establishes connection and presence, letting the person feel heard, important and welcomed.
The silent home was hard at first. But, eventually, I become comfortable with it. No radio announcer, news caster, commercial, or musician was shoving thoughts into my head. I heard my own voice; that very small voice inside of me that rarely got the floor. She started talking. I started listening. I heard my needs. I took her advice. I found my true voice. Silence became my friend.
Hearing loss can have a profound effect on ones mental state; anger, depression, anxiety, loneliness, frustration, and decreased cognitive functioning are common among those with untreated hearing loss. And even those who use hearing aids have an increased risk of depression and isolation.
Hearing loss is highly correlated with depression. Not being able to hear, it’s easy to feel dejected, even desolate. Less likely to engage others for fear of not being able to understand them, leaves HoH feeling inadequate. Because of this they may appear to be uninterested in others. No one wants to keep asking “can you repeat that please?” A great skill to have, and fairly easy to cultivate, is lip reading. Practice with frequently viewed video clips or TV commercials. Although William is quite skilled at this, if people mumble, look away, or don’t move their lips as they talk, he struggles.
Isolation is another challenge. Concerts once enjoyed are now one giant vibration of bass. The background music in movies is so loud that character speech is lost, and parties are loud, making conversation difficult. The National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders, is working on devices to address these issues.(4)
Habits die hard. I’ve tried many times, to listen to the radio. I still remember the day I turned it off for good. Barely a mile into the road trip, I stared at the console as if perplexed. It felt intrusive, noisy, and the words I heard from the song were incongruent with my beliefs. Right then I realized, I’ve never evaluated things that have been in my life since I was a child. I have a choice. I saw how I use noise, activity, chores, even food in my life for avoidance. I was humbled and yet felt very powerful. While I still struggle with avoidance, I am very selective as to what I allow into my life.