Alone, but not Lonely
Posted on February 19, 2019 by Juli Choden, One of Thousands of Spirituality Coaches on Noomii.
The value of being alone and recognizing that loneliness is a symptom pointing to our need to cultivate a intimate relationship with ourselves.
“Loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need of yourself.”~Rupi Kaur
Many changes have occurred since the beginning of this new year. The holiday season came on strong with a flood of activities and left us to gather ourselves to start a whole new cycle. Many years my focus was on family during the holidays. We would travel to see extended family or else I would create family time in our home. This season was very different and a particularly meaningful one for me. It was a conscious choice to keep things quiet and slow things down. I wanted to bring awareness to the approaching changes in the coming new year.
Empty nest
I am now officially an “empty nester”. My children, now young men, are launching into the world. The youngest son, having just joined the military, left for basic training Jan 3rd. My other son prepares to graduate this Spring from University and is contemplating his next steps of how he will contribute to this world .
It’s a bittersweet time. I am so very proud of my sons for the choices they are making and excited to see them continue to grow. Many years have been spent nurturing my sons and extended family, so there is a feeling of loss . This is compounded by the reality of my aging mother’s approaching end of life.
All of this has brought me meaning and purpose in my life. Now my focus is returning back to me. But being alone doesn’t mean I will be lonely. In fact, the past few years I have been embracing and preparing for these coming changes.Filling the Void
Winter and the holidays are difficult for many people, especially when compounded with change. It is a busy time of year, with all the holiday preparations and festivities, that may bring comfort and joyful connections with family and friends. But for some it is just another reminder of how painful and disconnected they may feel if there aren’t friends and family to share their time with. They may feel a nagging sense of loneliness when all the activities cease.
But being alone doesn’t mean we have to be lonely. Time spent alone can be some of the most rewarding and can actually help us to feel more connected than if we had spent our time in a room full of people. Loneliness irritates a place inside that feels empty and disconnected when it doesn’t have something distracting it . Filling time with others and keeping busy may deflect it, but at the end of the day we return to that void inside. What is missing is a relationship to one’s self .
Befriending Ourselves
We spend so much time focused on and searching for connection and meaning through our work, relationships, activities and social media. Is there any wonder why we may feel empty and lonely when we’re alone? We have forgotten to take time for the most important relationship of all and left ourselves unattended.
What would it take to nurture this relationship in ourselves? Might we become more empathetic towards others, if we gave ourselves the emotional security and validation we seek elsewhere? Can we encourage intimacy with others by learning to love and support ourselves ? We may find it easier to nurture our friends, family and even our beloved pets and forget that we need to provide love and reassurance to ourselves. By embracing this friendship with ourselves, we can then extend to others an invitation to share in the beautiful life that we have discovered within.
