Affection Starved
Posted on November 24, 2018 by Anna Horst, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
We feel disconnected & affection-starved, because we don’t feel comfortable being fully authentic or sharing our authenticity with others.
So many of us feel very disconnected from ourselves & each other. Our society conditions us to buy into certain social constructs; limiting roles & priorities which keep us feeling inadequate, unworthy & like we have to strive just to be good enough.
Instead of feeling free to be the gorgeous, unique individuals we all are, we may feel pressured to conform to fit into the status quo of what is viewed as “normal”. We could be expressing our truth, living the life of our dreams & honoring our unique individuality, but instead we hide away, placating ourselves with pills or addictions, coping & struggling just to get by. Instead of fully honoring our inner depths, sensitivities, insecurities & vulnerabilities, so often we remain static & superficial so as not to “upset the apple cart” or to be viewed as being “negative”. But then our true feelings & vulnerabilities go unnoticed, even by ourselves. We spend so much of our day making sure to appease others, that we forget the wounded innocence that longs for our attention within our own being.
So many of us allow others more leeway to make mistakes & grow than we offer to ourselves. Often we honor the creative passionate flow of others while we neglect our own. Sometimes, to make up the difference of suppressing & neglecting who we truly are, we try to dominate those around us by insisting they must also conform to the rules & regulations of certain “authorities”, instead of minding our own business as a way to honor their autonomy & free will. Many of us spend our inner world & self talk trying to “beat ourselves into submission” instead of recognizing or appreciating how amazing we really are.
We feel disconnected & affection-starved, because we don’t feel comfortable being fully authentic or sharing our authenticity with others. If how we are feeling is not seen as pleasant or “appropriate”, then we think the feelings themselves are not valid, or at the very least, we must keep them to ourselves. So instead of being energetically open & feeling free to just be ourselves no matter what, we create walls to protect ourselves from judgment, criticism, blame, shame, guilt, rejection & isolation. We want to be accepted. We want to be loved & appreciated. But yet, we don’t accept, love or appreciate ourselves.
In general, men are taught to suppress emotions, not feel depth or vulnerability & are informed that intimacy is confined to sexual expression alone. Women are told it’s acceptable to express emotions, but taught that direct sexual expression is slutty, that their power exists by having a man & that it’s expected to look a certain way in order to be attractive enough to get & keep a mate.
We are conditioned to believe that a man’s worth & value is in how much money he makes while a woman’s is based on her physical appearance & sexual availability. These limited views of gender roles, relating, dating, sensual expression & what’s taught as the acceptable forms of intimacy, create our current society where sexual expression is so often entirely dismissed as being inappropriate, negative or evil instead of recognizing its intrinsic beauty & sacredness. This also creates a society where most individuals struggle with low self-esteem.
A gentle, tender embrace isn’t usually seen as socially acceptable unless expressed within a romantic dynamic. In general, platonic physical affection & intimacy, which can be so extremely beneficial for our well-being, is seen as taboo.
This article goes into great depth about how the lack of platonic touch is destroying men. It is certainly less acceptable for men to embrace tenderly in public, but this epidemic of touch being unacceptable, except within the confines of a romantic relationship, affects us all, women too.
As a whole, our society feels starved for affection & disconnected because of the dysfunctional, imbalanced & archaic ideas about who we should be, how we should behave & how to relate to others. This affects us on every single level but especially intimacy, sexual expression, gender roles & relationships.
Touch-Topia serves as a resource to help individuals thrive in life & relationships. Fulfillment within ourselves is possible. Healthy sexual expression does exist. Authentic relationships that serve to enhance all individuals’ experience of life is what we can choose to participate in. Intimacy is an art that can be cultivated, while platonic affection is healthy, appropriate & so very important for our well-being.
Offering Intimacy Coaching, Sacred Intimacy Healing & Cuddle & Platonic Therapy sessions, Touch-Topia hopes to normalize platonic touch, shed light on the healing power of touch as well as create a space for authentic healthy relating so that the world may heal it’s shame, guilt, confusion & fear of deep sacred intimacy. Let’s all thrive while cultivating healthy, balanced connections!
