Intimacy and Marriage
Posted on September 20, 2018 by Sally Ann Bharat, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
The article focuses on the importance of Intimacy in Marriages and provides advice to both parties
“ Hiding Face, Do I need to educate myself on “The Bedroom Business”, I want to know but I am ashamed”
Have you ever felt uncomfortable when it comes to reading or talking about sex? Perhaps, you may assume sex is simply getting physical but it is not. For many, growing up, sex was a forbidden topic and most women grew into their 40s and 50s feeling embarrassed to speak about sex.
Sex is more than simply being physical and can better be understood by using the word intimacy. This intimate marital relationship should include the wonderful aspects of closeness, familiarity, commitment and rapport. Without intimacy, the physical union truly is nothing more than what is portrayed by TV, movies and lurid, erotic fiction.
Do you understand what is the gift of sex?
A committed marriage relationship requires intimacy
Marriage was designed to be more than an emotionless union on one hand or a lustful binge on the other.
Marriage is designed to need intimacy—but what that means to women and men may be two different things. Both men and women need intimacy but very often don’t understand how to fulfill that for each other.
When a woman thinks of intimacy, she generally seeks emotional intimacy
Emotional intimacy for her depends primarily on trust and frequently involves talking over feelings and emotions for a better understanding and mutual support. A woman generally needs to know that the emotional bond is there with her husband before any physical sexual activity.
Feeling emotionally attached to a mate takes physical intimacy to a level that simple physical sex cannot achieve.
For a man, intimacy generally means physical intimacy
Men are wired differently, and physical intimacy is how a man feels close to his wife. That does not mean he does not have an emotional need as well; because for a lasting relationship, this is required. However, most men need physical intimacy to feel loved.
It is important to note that sex alone is not enough. The emotional connection must be there for him if any physical expression is to be meaningful.
Intimacy and security
As we’ve seen, both men and women are designed by God to need intimacy in their marriages. But, of course, intimacy does not always mean sex. A woman may often crave hugs, kisses or some little thing that demonstrates she is special to her husband. Even if they may not readily admit it, most men appreciate such things too.
Suggestions for men
Men, take the time to talk to your wife. Hold hands, give her a hug and don’t neglect a tender kiss. This physical aspect of your marriage is a priority.
If your wife seems unresponsive, it may be that you have not taken the time to do these things.
Be genuinely concerned about her day and her feelings. Put an arm around her and show and tell her daily that you love her. This is what she desires, and it must be before any meaningful physical relationship.
Suggestions for women
Wives, understand your husband’s need for physical sexual contact in marriage. His drive in this area may not be the same as yours, but that does not make it less real or less of a need.
Seek to understand
Husbands and wives must come to understand the passions and emotions that drive each other. Failure to understand each other leads to hurt feelings, distance between you, even an emotional wall being built. Lack of understanding destroys marital intimacy and destabilizes the marriage.
Intimacy is one of the most important things in a loving marriage. Understanding how to meet your mate’s needs is the first step in building a strong, long-lasting relationship where both of you will be happy.
Do not deprive each other
Two verses later Paul wrote: “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:5).
This is strong teaching. It means husband or wife should not withdraw their physical affection.
“Except with consent” means by a mutual understanding and specifically for the spiritual devotions of prayer and fasting.
Respecting the “image of God”
Both husband and wife were created in the “image of God” (Genesis 1:26-27; Genesis 2:24) and are potential members of the Kingdom of God. This is an awesome thing to consider. Understanding this, how could you or I disrespect or fail to love our mates? How dare we entertain thoughts of an act of infidelity to this person?
A faithful, loving marriage, combined with our understanding of God’s purpose in our lives, should motivate us to always pursue and develop a loving intimacy, enjoying the gift of sex with our marriage partner.
