TaoLife Thoughts: Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys

Posted on September 08, 2018 by Kayne Young, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Not too long ago while caring too much about outcomes of recent events at work an old Romanian proverb popped into my mind; “Not my Circus, not my monkeys”. I started repeating the sentence over and over like a mantra while inwardly witnessing the urgent cares and worries fade to nothing. It was is if a light was switched “off”. I immediately ceased to put any additional effort toward problem solving the issue when it became painfully obvious to me that I had absolutely no control over the outcome whatsoever. Any additional energy expended was only being wasted.

I can testify the experience of letting go was refreshing. My programmed response to fix or resolve everything I judge to be “out of whack” had risen up and grabbed tightly at my focus sometime previously. As usual, the internal observer was being lazy and not paying the slightest attention, mindlessly following the images and feelings. Yet, in the moment of saying “Not my circus, not my monkeys” I sensed the usually intense drive to “fix” had loosen its grip on my attention. The emerging mantra provided immediate stress relief by waking up my internal observer. This spontaneous shift in perspective provided the ability to see the compulsion entirely for what it was; nothing more that a persistent worry caused by the incessant need to solve the unsolvable. As the intensity lessened, the feelings of worry and anxiety also evaporated. What had been a driving force to witness an outcome mere seconds previously had now drained away leaving me filled with a sense of relief

Tara Brach, one of my favorite meditation teachers, calls the mindless drifting of thoughts the “Trance of Unworthiness”. I have to agree with that label. This trance is the normal state for most of us, through which we relate to the world. I have intentionally developed a mental tool I use shift into mindfulness thereby breaking the trance which I call the ‘Trigger/Anchor’ technique. As a start I often conduct a quick body scan to observe what’s going on inside. For example, a feeling of tension or tightness is observed with the scan while standing at my desk, due mainly to being lost in the trance. The “Trigger” here is the conscious awareness of the feeling of tension. Becoming mindfully aware of the Trigger sensation prompts me to the employ an “Anchor”. In this particular example, repeating the “Not my Circus, not my Monkeys” mantra grounded me, anchoring my awareness in the Now.

The mindfulness provoked by the Trigger and brought into focus with the Anchor allows the Internal Observer to disassociate with whatever chaotic thought stream is causing the stress in the first place. Furthering the technique I keep the internal stress in focus as I breathe deeply. As I exhale, I allow my body to relax physically. I then repeat the Trigger, Anchor, Breath, Relax cycle until the tension and the mental chaos have subsumed. Another quick internal body scan provides confirmation. If the tension is still present repeat the technique until it eases.

The power of mindfulness allows us to connect to our body in a different way that what we’ve grown accustomed to. Mindfulness can be viewed as a another sense you were completely unaware you possessed. By using the Trigger/Anchor Technique, you sharpen your ability to use this sense whenever needed, allowing your body to relax itself for a few moments. This happens as it is no longer subject to the constant stress hormones the mind is sending in overloaded fashion due to the turbulent thoughts amind the the trance of unworthiness.

Those chaotic thoughts are what drives the all-to-familiar sensation where our heart begins to race whenever an unresolved issue or a potential threat arises. Our undisciplined mind allows our attention to focus intently on that thought, while our brain simultaneously unpacks all the associated emotional baggage. In turn, our instinctive or nurtured memorized patterns cause our to respond as needed. The associated flush of hormones only intensifies feelings or anxiety and stress. Compounding the problem is our normal bodily response to the current turbulent Zeitgeist in which we all live. Thus our bodies are nearly always poised in some degree on the edge of a the flight or fight, making it so hard for many of us to just allow our bodies to truly rest. For further reading, check out the Huffpost article, “How Your Mind Affects Your Body”.

After practicing the Trigger/Anchor technique for some time, I have become aware a once familiar never ceasing inner sense of overall anxiety and worry has lessened. At first I had a hard time identifying what was missing other than sensing a general peaceful emptiness where the “knot” had once been always present. In observing the lessening of overall tension I am encouraged because one day I know it will have completely vanished. It is a very worthy goal.

I believe the “Not my Circus, not my Monkeys” manta works so well as a hook to reel us back to the Now due in large part to the meaning we have stored around the words “circus” and “monkey”. Like the nearly ubiquitous image of a Fire Truck we all share, the Big Top is easy to picture mentally; a large tent of red and white stripes, where potentially interesting things will happen. Likewise, the monkeys are associated with more positive thoughts amongst us. The animals are social beings and their often erratic nature causes us to associate words such as “wild” or “chaotic” with their images. However how it works, creating a habit around its use is immensely helpful due to the sheer power of it’s combined mental pictures and associated emotional content. It is an easy hook to use to wake us into a state of mindfulness; as useful as a gong in a mediation session. So I urge you to give it a go and practice the saying. Commit it to memory so it can be arise by itself when needed as an Anchor.

I was reminded how powerful it is while recently at a workplace coffee bar. Some of the colleagues I had taught the mantra too were in line with me & brought up how much the saying has helped them. Each in turn relayed how “Not my Circus, not my Monkeys” has helped them relax and let go of chaotic thoughts or potential issues, whether at work at home. They’ve learned they don’t have to fix that which they have no control over, and they’ve all committed to creating a habit of to use it when needed. There are downsides though which a client summed up by acknowledging, “I’ve also found to I give fewer fucks about monkeys” Of course he was just kidding.

My friends, the next time your anxiety is triggered, mindfully anchor yourself in the Now by reciting “Not my circus, not my monkeys”. Breathe, relax, and repeat. Doing so will let you smile and breathe a sigh of relief, while giving your body a much needed break. I know the saying works for me and I am positive it can work for you just as effectively.

So say the mantra with me: “Not my Circus, not my Monkeys”. Repeat often and enjoy the benefits.

Kayne