3 Myths about Saying What You Want
Posted on September 07, 2018 by Woosi Wildwood, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Bust the myths, and learn the power of direct, effective communication around what you want.
I’d like to do some mythbusting around saying what you want. Here are a few myths that you may of picked up from how you were raised or from societal norms around how children, women, or people who aren’t the boss should behave.
Myth #1 — We all have to agree and do the same thing
There seems to be this rule that if you have a relationship with someone, you’ll sit through the opera or the ball game with them even though you’re miserable the whole time. This kind of relationship bullying has nothing to do with love or commitment, and everything to do with pressure and obligation, which kills love quicker than anything else I know. If I choose to go to a ball game with my sweetie because I know he’ll enjoy sharing it with me, and I want to spend time with him – that’s what he really wants. If he knew I was going because I felt I had to, it would ruin his good time as well as my day.
Myth #2 — It’s rude
Nope! It’s only rude if follow up saying what you want with not listening to anyone else, demanding that you get your way, and stomping your feet or throwing a tantrum. If you simply answer “what do you want?” with “I want…,” you’re being very polite. You’re answering a direct question with a direct answer.
Myth #3 — It’s selfish
Saying what you want doesn’t mean you’re selfish, steamrolling over everyone else, a narcissist, or you aren’t a team player. People who want you to agree with them or do what they want may gaslight you into thinking it’s rude, but it isn’t, and you can quote me on that. When you can say what you want honestly and without pressuring anyone to agree with you, it is good for you, good for them, and good for the world. Really! The world will be a better place if we all do this all of the time. Let me prove it to you…
Good for you
Why? The obvious answer is you get what you want far more often. But that’s not actually the biggest benefit. Whether you get what you want or not, being authentic, and being able to speak your truth is a powerful place to stand in life.
Good for them
Like why it’s good for you, the greatest benefit is not what first comes to mind. Modeling how to authentically and unapologetically say what you want gives them a great model to do it themselves. It also gives them the reassurance that if you’re doing something with them or for them, you’re doing it because you want to, rather than because you felt pressured or obliged. There’s a comfort when I know someone will say no to me. It means when they say yes, they really mean it. And when I know they will say what they want, it gives me space to say what I want too.
Good for the world
If we’re all walking around speaking our truth, what happens? Seriously, I get goosebumps on this one. How much would the world change if everyone is fulfilled, respectful of other people’s paths to fulfillment, and spreading the goodness of win-win to others? How much better is the world going to be when we’re all speaking our truth, staying in our power, and going out and making the world a better place to be in?
It’s efficient too
Think of all the time we’ll save NOT having that conversation where everyone is saying “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” When no-one is willing to say what they want, we all stand around and do nothing. No-one gets what they want and everyone is frustrated. Start a trend by saying what you want and inviting others to do the same.
Ok, now go! What do you want?
If you need to practice saying what you want, tell me what you want in the comments. Tell your cat. Go hug a tree and tell it you’d appreciate it if it would move 10 feet to the left so it doesn’t block your view. Practice. Practice. Practice!
Then, let me know how it goes!
Need more help saying what you want? Empowerment coaching is all about helping you find your voice, managing your gremlins, and getting what you want.
