Why Assume It's About You?
Posted on August 02, 2018 by Renee Miller, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Does the world, and the behavior of other people, really revolve around you?
“Rejection Sensitivity.” It’s a tendency to “anxiously expect, readily perceive, and over-react to social rejection.” – Amy Pearson (livebrazen dot com)
This was in my email today from Amy Pearson, another great Martha Beck trained coach.
So rejection sensitivity is a real thing. That time you texted you BFF and they didn’t respond? That time you held to door and didn’t get a thank you? That time you did something ‘extra’ and it went unnoticed?
What did you tell yourself about those events? Is she mad at me? That person must not think I’m good enough. I never do anything right.
NO! NO! NO! All that wondering and mulling it over and looking for where you did something wrong is crazy. Truth is, you have no idea why your BFF is not responding. In the shower? On the phone to her mother? Driving? Having crazy sex?
You have no idea if that stranger even registered that you held the door. Maybe he was daydreaming. Maybe he was really focused on something else. Maybe his jealous wife was in the car watching. But why assume it had anything to do with you?
Your extra effort may not have been recognized because it was too subtle. Or the person is naturally clueless about stuff like that. Or they just didn’t realize that, for you, it took extra effort and you were expecting recognition.
The only way to fight rejection sensitivity is to ask yourself for FACTS, and draw conclusions from that. Do you KNOW FOR A FACT that your BFF is mad at you and ignoring you? Do you KNOW FOR A FACT that the stranger pointedly ignored you specifically? Do you KNOW FOR A FACT that your extra effort was noticed and deemed unworthy?
