Are You Self-Aware Enough to Know You Are Self-Aware?
Posted on July 10, 2018 by Mark Robinson, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Self-Awareness is the key to effective leadership and life coaching - are you ready?
What does self-awareness mean? Are you self-aware enough to know that you are self-aware? What is your self-awareness awareness?
When it comes to self-awareness, some people just don’t get it. They aren’t the issue; nothing they do is wrong, they are without fault. They deflect rather than reflect, or they shoot the messenger, turn a blind eye or pretend they are not the ones who need to review their behavioural outputs.
Now, it is straightforward for me to assume and write that a lack of self-awareness in others leads to shitty leadership behaviours and that most don’t see the connection or its just everyone else’s problem. Perhaps it’s easy to write that those who don’t get it must be lying to themselves, or choosing to live in fear or feel shame at the slightest thought of opening Pandora’s Box. That for them, the idea of self-reflection is more fearful than doing nothing. Remember, shitty leaders, are NOT shitty people and sometimes its hard to spot the differences.
Self-Awareness is our first pillar of Active Leadership. Are you self-aware enough to know you are self-aware? Ask anyone, “Are you self-aware?” See how they answer. In our research most replied, “Yes, of course.” Then, with a slight pause and direct eye contact, we then asked, “Great, how do you know?” If you find your courage to ask these questions, be prepared for one of two typical replies.
1. Deer in the headlights look, followed by confusion (followed by uncomfortable laughter and a subject change.) – "Did you watch last nights’ episode of “This Is Us?”
or
2. Something like “I do not want to talk to you anymore!” (or other colourful words in a similar vein)
My initial thoughts when writing our first book, when I stumbled upon someone experiencing self-awareness confusion, I assumed that those I questioned were just lazy or scared. What I failed to miss was the fact that there are people who are just NOT self-aware. They have no insights into how their staff, peers or leaders perceive them. They are oblivious to their communications styles and how they engage. I made the assumption they were deflecting; they were not, they didn’t get it. Moreover, they are entirely immune to the concept that effective feedback delivery is for the benefit of the receiver and not about THEM.
As I continued down this road to understand my frequency, I became more aligned and less maligned towards those who didn’t get it. I wanted to find a way to help.
These revelations assisted me in being able to determine how to approach someone who is not self-aware at all. As I tested this theory over the last few months, the evidence was clear; those who are not self-aware will challenge the concept of self-awareness to the point of exhaustion. They vehemently deflect, blame and shame or get angry with the messenger. They inadvertently demonstrate the core behaviours of shitty leadership which is why the cycle perpetuates and nothing changes. They say things like, “We are just not ready for you.” For this reason, self-awareness is the first pillar of our Active Leadership methodology.
As coaches, our role is to ask the right questions, and hopefully, we present these questions in the way that’s best for the individual. That is all we can do. If the individual is not ready, we cannot force it. We cannot force accountability; we cannot force self-reflection, and we cannot force self-awareness discovery.
So, when you are ready, grab a mirror, look inside and see yourself. Reflect on this article and ask yourself how self-aware you are? Do you know how others perceive you as an employee, peer or leader? What about a friend, partner or spouse? What do people think about your skills, abilities or behaviours? Are you demonstrating actions that represent the leader you want to be, the leader you think you should be, or the actual authentic leader you are? What does your silence consent? If leaders are demonstrating behaviours in your workplace that negatively impacts your culture or is contributing towards disengagement and you choose to do nothing about it, then you are part of the problem. That is a culpable behaviour.
The Ego-Continuum is a framework that coupled with Active Leadership, will raise your level of self-awareness, so you will not only become more self-aware, you will develop your authentic leadership brand, and market and own it. This level of engagement removes misperceptions, promotes connection and drives forward substantial corporate change for the better. If you are struggling with self-awareness, you need to find your courage to lean into it in and recognize that if it feels uncomfortable there is probably a reason worth pursuing this even more.
Your mirror is waiting!
