Stop Networking, Start Relationship Building

Posted on May 31, 2018 by Kaylee Houde, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.

I find that a lot of people think networking is a four letter word. They look at it with fear and dread. They sit at home trying to amp themselves up to have conversations with strangers at a dedicated event.

The funny part is that networking is literally geared towards strangers talking to one another. That is the point. Instead of approaching networking and worrying about who you are and whether or not you are being “authentic”, just show up. The people there are already primed to talk to you, because they are at a networking event also.

Showing up is 90% of the battle after all.

Sure, you may feel uncomfortable for a few minutes until you say hello to another human and a conversation starts to flow. However, this too shall pass. The awkwardness you feel is probably what at least half the room feels as well, making it the norm rather than the exception.

Next time you go to a “networking event” stop calling it a word that triggers fear and anxiety and call it what you want.

My go to favorites are:

(1) I’m going to go build some relationships

(2) I’m going to go add value and help people

(3) I’m going to go make some new friends in business

Ask my boyfriend, this is what I tell him when he asks me, “What are you up to tonight?” because the words you use, what they mean to you, and what you think, you become.

Call it what you want, and choose words that empower you and make you feel confident!
People always ask me, “Kaylee, what do you say though, at networking events?”

I say… “Hello! What is your name? My name is Kaylee.”

That is it. Then I ask questions until I figure out how I can help this person, give them something of value, or just relate to them. People, typically, love to talk about themselves. It is natural human behavior, and it is easy to talk about what you know. Start with curiosity (and listen to listen instead of to respond) and you will find your next question spilling off your lips with ease.

I find a lot of people overthink it, and that is what makes them look like they are trying too hard. It comes natural when it is natural and you are genuinely talking to someone because you have something in common or an interest in what they have to say.

You can also ask, “Why did you come to this particular event about this particular topic?” Surprisingly enough, people usually go to these events for the same reason you did, and usually have something in common with the topic of the event whether it be Entrepreneurship, Accounting, or Job Hunting. You are all there because of some primal need for connection and also something to do with your interest in topic X.

Lastly, when you do decide to go to networking events, don’t forget to bring your business cards. If you are at an event because you, “Need a job,” that is totally okay as long as you make it about others rather than yourself and come prepared with your contact details. If you go ahead and “blah blah” at Joanne in Human Resources for an hour because you want her to know every strength and weakness you have before you even have an interview, that is not going to do you any good.

I recommend a different strategy:
(1) Figure out who the decision makers are (hiring managers, event coordinators, directors, etc.)

(2) Start building real relationships based on common interests

(3) Ask what their pain points are as it relates to your strengths, and figure out how you can add value

Take the following as an example. I went to a LinkedIn local event and talked to one of the space coordinators after the panel was over. I needed more collaboration space to run my workshops in Calgary. He seemed like a pretty cool guy, and we talked about how we are entrepreneurial and want to support motivated professionals. I did not start with, “I want to use this space.” I lead in with something about him, “You did a great job, tell me more about this space and what you do here.” As a result, he got talking about himself and we made a genuine connection. Now I will be volunteering for him this summer, and he invites me to a lot of cool events that are aligned with my background.

My point is, you do not need to get all bug-eyed on me next time I say you need to get out of your box and into the community. The information is out there. We know that networking is one of the best ways to tap into the hidden job market and get noticed by companies. However, we all freak out when the word is even mentioned. Why is that?

Instead, start with your mindset.

Start with using words that make you more confident, and then employ a genuine curiosity in the people you are meeting. The rest will come.

Oh, and if it doesn’t work the first time, you know what they say… “Try, try again.” Nobody will remember if you biffed it and were socially awkward, anyway. You showed up, so keep moving forward and show up again. You will be just fine!