Sex and House Guests

Posted on May 12, 2018 by Caitlin V Neal, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

When is it appropriate to have sex when you’re hosting people? What about when you’re the one being hosted? Is it ever appropriate to have sex when you’re sharing a roof with friends or family? Here are some things to consider before you do your thing–or don’t–it’s up to you.

Who are the house guests?
How are you related to them? How understanding will they be if they hear–or, heaven forbid–see you? As an example, let’s say you and your long term partner are staying with your parents for the weekend. If you had sex in their house as a teenager it might be exciting to recreate that scenario (although getting caught as an adult might be more embarrassing than when you could blame your raging hormones). Now let’s imagine your parents are visiting you for the weekend in your home. It’s your home and you’re an adult, but do you really want to put them (or your partner) through that?

What are the logistics?
There’s a huge difference between having sex in the basement while the hosts sleep upstairs and in an open loft separated by a curtain. If the bed is rocking, you can slip a pillow between the frame and the wall to keep it steady. If your guests are sleeping in the room right under you, consider using this as an excuse to mess around in your upstairs office or even the walk in closet! If you’re interested in creating a silent sex lair (for you or your guests), invest in a memory foam mattress and an all-wood bed (without the squeaking metal pieces) or move your mattress directly onto the floor.

Other things to consider
Keep in mind also that sex acts that you might thinks are silent might not be. Think about giving a blow job–you can both be relatively quiet in the moan department, but one loud “sluuurp” might give you away. Consider trying different positions to reduce noise
invest a lot of time in foreplay so that you can limit the amount of time devoted to the act, which is likely to be the loudest. And when you do get into the heavy stuff, consider moving slowly to avoid that familiar

If you’re a really vocal person consider the work you’ll have to do to stay silent during the act. Think about this in advance and ask your partner to let you know right away if you’re getting louder (think a non-vocal cue such as two quick taps with a hand). Remember that as you approach orgasm your ability to monitor your other senses dampens, so it will become hard to hear both yourself and others (who might be coming down the hall).

In summary
There’s a degree of exhibitionism that comes with having sex where other people can hear, even if they can’t see. This doesn’t mean you should go out of your way to make sure your guests know what’s going on. But if having sex while people are in the other room is working for you, I say go for it. In the end it’s an individual’s call, you know yourself, your partner and your hosts/guests better than anyone else. But if opportunity strikes and you’re both game you now have the tools you need to make the right decision.