Decision Making: If Not a Fu*k Yes, Then Go With No

Posted on April 20, 2018 by Kaylee Houde, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.

A lot of people come to me with uncertainties in their life. Either they cannot decide what career path to take, what job industry to go after, or what city to move to. Everyone is looking for clarity, and everyone is looking for the answer to life. They ask me, “Kaylee, what do you think I should do?”

The problem is that everyone’s life circumstances are different, and what makes one person happy is another person’s hell. What is more important is who you are, what you are good at, and what you actually like to spend your time doing.

There is no “cheat code” to life, but what I do is remind people of their own internal compass. Do not let other people’s definitions of success define your own. We all have instincts, and our bodies and minds are often giving us signals, we just need to learn how to tap into these versus the fear responses.

Instead of getting into a tizzy the next time you have a big life decision, ask yourself these three questions to determine if you are on the right path for yourself.

1. What do you really want your life to look like 5-10-20 years from now, and is this choice aligned with that path?

Take a few moments to visualize the trajectory that this decision you have to make would put you on.

I call this visualizing your perfect future. How is this in alignment (or not) with your ideal future self? Brainstorm all the pieces of your life you want to live in a time frame of your choosing. If 5-10-20 years is too distant right now, dial it back to a 3 year time frame.

Document what you notice. What do you see, hear, or feel?

2. What if you put this decision on a timeline of your entire life? How critical is this decision in the grand scheme of things? If you make this decision now, what is stopping you from making the opposite decision later?

Throughout my own experience with decision making, I have noticed that many big life decisions can still be undone.

When I was 19 I decided to live with my boyfriend. It seemed like a big step at the time, but it was still relatively simple to undo two years later when we broke up. We made a plan, he moved out, we went our separate ways. Easy peasy.

Just this last year I decided to quit my job not once, but twice. I had to learn my lesson twice in order to overcome my fear of failure. Once I had enough information, confidence, and resiliency to ramp up my business and become a full time solopreneur, I did it. I made the original decision, left my employer, launched my business, found another job, went back to work, hated it, saw my business growth, and then I quit again! Oh, and guess what, a year from now if I do not like it I can always undo the decision again.

When I notice this 6 month roller coaster of my life, I do not have a panic attack like my previous self would. Instead, I notice that I learned a lot from making these decisions. I notice that in the grand scheme of things I rather have came to these conclusions sooner rather than later. I notice that my life is much longer than this 6 month blip and it is never too late to start over. I just happened to start over 2 or 3 times in a quick 6 month period. I am efficient, I will tell you that much!

So next time you are freaking out about life, notice your entire life from birth to your old-folks home, maybe 80-something years of decisions and accomplishments. Then, as you notice all the things you would have done in that timeline, notice this one single decision and where it would land.

3. Is it a fu*k yes or a fu*k no? What do you notice when you visualize taking this path?

I saw this on an Instagram post. If you are not waking up and utterly tickled pink about your decision then it is probably a fu*k no.

Do not get dragged into what your family wants for you, what your friends think is important, or what society tells you about success.Instead, stand tall in your confidence with regard to your own instincts. If you find yourself having to rationalize the decision or justify it in any way, you are probably not on the right path.

If you have a decision before you and you think, “Yep, this is aligned with my values and purpose and I feel my heart sing when I think about doing this,” then “fu*k yes! Let’s roll!”

This feeling crops up for people differently, and first it is important to determine what your instincts are versus your fears. If you have a fear of failure, and you are justifying a decision to take a high paying job that you know you are not going to love, then maybe check yourself in the mirror. If you are explaining or complaining then I will encourage you to dig a little deeper.

Alternatively, if you have ever had a moment where the word YES popped into your mind before any rational thought, then that may be another way of knowing your instincts. When this happens, I will invite you to visualize your future unfold with this decision in mind. What do you notice?