Pursuit of Happiness

Posted on February 20, 2011 by Norman Yeager, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

“The pursuit of happiness,” is one of the unalienable rights given us by our Creator says the Declaration of Independence. I believe Thomas Jefferson allowed used this wording the pursuit of happiness because each individual defines happiness differently. Many people believe that when external circumstances are just so then they will be happy. Some people believe when they accumulate a certain sum of money, or perhaps the house of their dreams, or the affections of a certain person, or the right promotion they will have achieved happiness.

People who are looking for money for happiness are usually disappointed. Studies done on the level of happiness a person feels after winning a lottery dissipates very quickly. In a matter of a few months the lottery winners self-describe themselves as being as unhappy as they were before winning. Those who think that owning the perfect home will give them happiness find that the home is just a home after the newness wears off. Then something else beckons them with the hope of happiness. The same thing is true of relationships. A person or a group may seem to provide happiness, but after the newness of the relationship wears off, and then it is a return to the pursuit of happiness again.

Instead of looking to people or circumstances to make we need to look to our inward selves to find happiness. As Dale Reddish said, “You cannot seek to find that which makes you happy for happiness comes from within and by your own choice.” Carolyn Richardson defines happiness as “knowing who you are and being at peace with yourself.” Thus it would be safe to say that happiness is an inside job.

Happiness is an attitude which grows from within us. Attitudes affect our feelings and our feelings affect our behavior. Thus it is important for us to take ownership of our happiness. While we make a decision to be happy, we need to understand that happiness takes practice. Life throws us many challenges; some of them come in the form of disappointments. What are we to make of these things that would detract from happiness? When we recognize our disappointment, we can then adjust our attitude so that the circumstances do not detract us from who we are.

According to Marci Shimoff, this involves three steps. The first is to focus on the solution. Yes there is a problem in our lives, but instead of focusing on the problem use your abilities to solve the problem. Focusing on solutions keeps the perspective on what is working.

The second step is to focus on the lesson and the gift. We can ask what is the lesson in this for me? Often times we can find that we may have contributed to the situation. There is some truth that I need to accept. There have been times in my life when someone aimed criticism my way. My natural reaction was defensiveness. Over time I learned that there was usually some truth in the criticism. I choose to act on the element of truth and change my behavior. With that change I gave a gift to myself. It was the gift of contentment because I was bettering myself.

The third step is to make peace with ourselves. This involves acknowledging feelings we have been avoiding. This allows us to free up the energy it takes to keep the feelings under control. This then allows you to move forward towards self-acceptance and the happiness that is yours.