Successful but Unfulfilled?

Posted on December 18, 2017 by Corey Jenkins, One of Thousands of Executive Coaches on Noomii.

I’ve coached and consulted people with all different backgrounds – small business owners, corporate business people, teachers, athletes, writers, delivery truck drivers, male, female, couples with kids and without, singles and people from all different countries.

Consistently, and regardless of the person’s profession, gender, nationality or religion, there is a lack of clarity on WHY they do what they do. I’ll explain…
As you will experience with me during one of our first few sessions, I’ve asked every client the following sets of questions (or something similar but related to your life and desired change).

First set:
What is your occupation?
Are you in a relationship, and if so with whom?
What are your religious and/or spiritual beliefs?

Second set (following answers to the first set):
WHY is your occupation or job what it is?
WHY are you in the relationship you are, with the person you are? Or why aren’t you in a relationship?
WHY do you believe what you believe about spirituality and/or religion?

With very few exceptions, most of the people I worked with admitted, “I don’t really love what I do. I do it because I have to.” The thought “I have to…” was an aggregation of various obligations and basic desire for security earned by making the mortgage payment, putting food on the table, or meeting spousal expectations. As unromantic as it sounds, the responses to “why are you in the relationship you are in?” was similar – most people were staying in mediocre relationships that they wished would get better. Religious faith (or lack of) fell into two primary categories: 1) people subscribed to whatever their family of origin did or 2) people completely resist their familial religion and have selected the exact opposite (many times agnosticism or atheism). “Fair enough,” is always my response because this makes sense.

What happened next surprised me the first, until it became so consistent. Without me asking , my clients exclaimed, “…but if I could do it all over again, I would…” Then they completed the sentence with statements like “wait longer to get married,” “travelled more,” “created a business around something I’m passionate about” or “learned more about who I really am before making these huge choices.” They explained that they were very different people at 30 than 20, at 45 versus 30, and 60 versus 45. One even said, “I’m winning the rat race, but I’m still a rat,” talking about their experience in corporate America.

“Why don’t you make changes now?” I asked. Nearly all of them referenced a “little voice inside” that also asks them that same question everyday. They told me they’ve tried to ignore it, feeling overwhelmed with too much on their plate, and hoped it would go away.

The reason that voice hasn’t gone away is because it’s far more than just a “little voice inside!” I think it’s an organic guidance system requesting your attention.

ALTERNATE CHALLENGE FACING OTHERS:
To be fair, not everybody has that same challenge. I’ve worked with a minority of passionate, inspiring individuals who were authentically connected to what they woke up and did everyday—their professions, families and adventures. There is a different challenge—how to continue what they love doing with financial sustainability. Many artists and adventurers fall into this profile and Most hadn’t found a way to do both until we worked together.

BACK TO THE MAJORITY:
If you’re like me you’ve probably achieved what you originally set out to do. But where did the idea come from in the first place? Please read “Awareness is More Powerful than Knowledge” here on Noomii. The majority of our original goals are based in what we were told was “right,” or driven by unconscious, conditioned reactions to life. My clients—business moguls, successful entertainers, or soccer moms, had all experienced the same bedevilment I did. They were “accomplished in their industries or family roles,” some even revered by their fans and communities, but they weren’t truly fulfilled. They didn’t wake up each day excited to continue to grow and experience. Instead life had become a process of managing what an old version of themselves had created. Even with the success, status, and monetary wealth, much of it had not been created with a deep knowing of WHY they did what they did. Instead we learned many of the business people had been driven by insecurity rather than an inspiration to provide a product or service. Many of the public figures simply followed the paths of their parents. Even the parents I worked with often admitted that at least part of the reason they moved so quickly to have children was to feel more fulfilled, rather than building a family with a partner they believed was their best friend.

When you know why you do what you, and the answer is that you’re following that internal guidance system rather than coming from fear, need for security, of following in the footsteps of somebody else, you begin to live with “Awareness.”

SYMPTOMS
In some people, a lack of Awareness will manifest in regular bursts of frustration or breakdowns with drugs and alcohol. In others it is far subtler, but it is still there. Countless clients share they are taking anti-depressants or other prescription drugs for anxiety and sleep problems. I observed the repeated pattern of “Thank God It’s Friday” or ‘TGIF” where people attempt to release the repressed, accumulated issues from the week by going unconscious during happy hours and overconsumption at social events. I know this wel—I did this for many years too, and often tried to stretch Friday into three full days before repeating the weekly cycle on Monday.

IS THIS ALL THERE IS?
Is life really a cycle of regret and obsessing what we “should have" done differently, self-judgment, self-medication and suffering? If you’ve experienced part of this you already know it triggers a HUGE question, “is this all there is?”

It’s a scary question to ask. It requires openness to the possibility that our identities in our families, occupations, and communities might not be what life is all about. What if all those labels are just the details of your life, but there’s actually a level of consciousness and experience that you have yet to experience? What if that “little voice inside” is offering you direction but you’re not quite sure how to discern messages from all your other thoughts?

I can help. Please make an appointment to talk with me. Transition, or transformation, is an inside-out job, meaning we have to look inside and the build the outside. We can’t improve our outsides alone, or we’ll repeat the same experience you’re already having. I have custom developed tools to identify the beliefs that got you to where you are today, help you discern which beliefs and life circumstances are still true for you, and take the necessary steps to build the life you become clear you want.