The Comfort Zone Trap
Posted on December 01, 2017 by Heidi Nucklaus, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.
Build your capacity for uncertainty and risk by stepping outside of your comfort zone one step at a time.
A client once said to me – “we’re not secure from life”. Meaning we can’t control life. We can’t control what happens around us. We think we’re secure in our warm, fuzzy blanket of a comfort zone. The comfort zone that feels deceptively safe, that says things like – “Why leave this job? You get a good salary, 4 weeks holidays, bonuses. So you’re not happy, you’re bored, so what. Suck it up – there isn’t a better job out there anyway.”
I know all about the comfort zone. I recently left a well paying job of 17 years. I’ve stepped so far outside of my comfort zone it’s often terrifying. And yet it’s electrifying at the same time. The trick is listening to the part of ourselves that needs and wants change. That voice is just as important as the voice that wants to keep us safe. In her blog, psychologist Cloe Madanes cites the top two human needs are the need for certainty and the need for uncertainty or variety. Our emotional well being depends on feeling secure, on having a modicum amount of predictability in our lives. The flip side of this is we also have a need for for suspense, surprise and uncertainty in our lives.
Our comfort zone serves a purpose – keeps us feeling safe and grounded. The problem is for many of us it’s a pretty air tight container. The container walls limit new growth. They shut out the ingredients necessary for our well being such as new experiences, challenges and risk. AND – by not stepping outside of our comfort zones once in awhile – we’re actually missing opportunities to build our capacity for change, for taking risks, for dealing with life’s difficulties.
So how do we expand our comfort zones? How do we grow our capacity for uncertainty? How do we step into the fear and discomfort that will come up when we’re faced with life’s challenges?
If you’re like me – one step at a time. Rome wasn’t built in a day – but it was built. Say you want to quit your job or move to another country (or both). If you’ve never stepped outside of your comfort zone – never expanded the walls – this type of change may seem monumentally terrifying and impossible.
Start expanding your walls now. Let a little air in. Take small risks, mini adventures. This is about putting yourself into situations where you can’t control the outcome. Where you will feel fear and discomfort. Do it anyway. Maybe it’s taking a sleeping bag and backpack to your favourite park and sleeping overnight. Maybe it’s eating dinner in the pitch dark with a group of strangers. Maybe it’s finally signing up for that improv class you always wanted to try.
Think of it like an exercise plan. Like a walk/run program before running a marathon. Or a weightlifting program before entering a body building contest. Foster your risk taking muscles. Try new things. Build your confidence over time. Accept the discomfort that will come up. By building your capacity for uncertainty, for discomfort, you will expand your ability to take on bigger challenges and make the change you always wanted to make.
Respect your need for uncertainty, for wonderment and surprise. That is where a rich and fulfilling life lives – not in the comfort zone.
