Constructive feedback: 9 tips to make it easier

Posted on December 01, 2017 by Karen Hennessy-Coles, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.

One of the top questions I receive, and one of the topics which keep people managers awake at night is having those difficult conversations regarding performance,. Giving that ‘constructive feedback’. This is usually viewed by the manager as being uncomfortable, awkward or just plain terrifying.

I’ve witnessed managers using techniques which range from totally ignoring the issue to calling the person out in front of a room full of people. Both these approaches, and everything in between, look bad on one person, the manager.

Why does it look bad on you? Because it’s your responsibility to support, manage, lead and work this with person to either improve their performance or to manage them out. Until you start this process everyone in the team and potentially the company is suffering.

Working with mainly small companies (c. 50 people) if there is one person who isn’t performing then the impact is likely to be huge. There is no hiding in a small organization, everyone needs to be performing at 110%.

I’ve been there I’ve avoided the conversations, I’ve messed up conversations, I’ve thought I was being clear about feedback and then found that it was clear to me but not the person I was working with. So having been there and done it, (not always well) here’s my learning and top tips for doing it brilliantly!

1. Set Expectations
Getting this right sets people up for success and makes it less likely that people will not be delivering or allow you to enable to get back on track.

Ensure everyone in your team know what’s expected of them. What success looks like, timescales and how this contributes to the bigger picture. Yep just the traditional performance management process. SMART objectives, which are in a live document, reviewed, discussed and updated regularly. If the process isn’t run in this way then don’t bother.

2. Reframe
Think of it as a gift you’re giving

Often when we’re in a position where we need to give feedback, we deem it to be a negative experience. It maybe we feel we’re criticizing someone, ‘telling them off’, having a go at them, undermining them. With this perspective it’s likely to be an unpleasant experience both for you and the recipient. If you reframe how you view feedback this can help tremendously. Think of it as giving them a gift. Sure people want to hear what they are doing well, they should totally receive this feedback. However, what is most valuable is the gap of where someone can develop.

You’re being honest, giving them the opportunity to develop and improve, maybe learn new skills which may give a brighter future. If you don’t give them the feedback then it’s likely that people will be discussing them (and you) behind their back – you can help prevent this.

3. Set your goal
Know why you want from the meeting

Spend some time thinking about what you want from the meeting. What would be your perfect outcome? If you have this in mind then you can stay on track. Often giving feedback and performance managing employees takes time and you won’t have it ‘sorted’ in one meeting. But think about where you want to get to, do you want to understand what’s happened, do you want the employee to be clear about what’s expected, do you want to have a plan for going forward, do you want the employee to know that you are going to be ‘formally managing them?’

4. Describe what you do want
Often people will say what they ‘don’t want’, it’s clearer to say what you DO want

It’s useful for people to understand what you ‘don’t want’, however clearly describing what you DO WANT is essential. Often managers know that the behavior or output they are getting isn’t ‘right’ however aren’t clear on what they are wanting. If you don’t know what you want then how are you going to get others to deliver it? If you aren’t clear on what you want, then work in partnership with the individual to get to where you want and need to be.

5. Support
Don’t give feedback and expect the person to know what to do with it.

Just giving constructive feedback and then expecting the individual to implement it, may not work. If the person had known what to do or how to behave, chances are they would have been doing it. Give feedback and then support the person in how they implement it. You may not have the answers, or know what will work best for the individual. So this maybe supporting and enabling them to find their own answers and develop their own plan. The individual should leave the session either with a plan or an agreement that you will reconvene to discuss the plan.

5. Timely
There’s a reason why everything written about feedback states doing it in a timely manner.

We’ve all been there. When we know we should give some feedback to an employee but we let it slide. It’s not a big deal and it’s probably a one off. Then it happens again…..and again…..and again. Then it just becomes awkward and we wish that we’d mentioned it before. Right? So the tip here is to talk about things as soon as you see then, doesn’t need to be a big deal, intact it’s better if it’s not.

6. Ask Questions and Listen!
Be genuinely curious and interested

Rather than have a speech ready to read to the employee, approach the meeting with an open mind and a coaching approach. For example open the conversation with ‘I’ve noticed xyz and wanted to talk through with you, what’s going on‘. Obviously it then depends how the employee reacts, give them more info and your thoughts and then keep asking questions. ‘How do you think it’s gone?’, ‘how do you think we could improve’, ‘what would success look like to you’ and so on…….

7. Allow people to show their emotions
It maybe uncomfortable but remember it’s not about you!

However well you give the feedback the employees initial reaction maybe shock, anger, embarrassment, sadness, disbelief. That’s fine. You’re job is to give them time and hold space for them to let go of their emotions, this may mean that they cry, get angry, give excuses or shut down. These are natural human reactions, give them space to express them. You can sit and stay quiet, that’s ok. Once they are able to compose themselves you can continue. If they don’t move through these emotions after a period of time then ask whether they want to take some time, go for a walk, grab a coffee (on their own!) and re-convene in an hour or so.

8. Be patient
If you’re feeling impatient it could be a sign you’ve left the issue unspoken for too long

So many managers don’t give feedback in a timely manner (see point 5), then get frustrated that their employee is not doing what they want them to do – even though the person doesn’t know that what they should be doing! Changes take time so don’t wait until crunch time and then expect someone to immediately work they way you want them to overnight. Take a deep breathe, use your colleagues and HR for support, remember the benefits of the process and take one step at a time.

9. Be Kind
Be kind to yourself, we are all learning

Are you always going to get it right? No! Whenever there are people involved nothing is certain, hence you can only plan to a certain point. If you feel during or after the meeting that it didn’t go to plan, that’s ok. Be kind to yourself. It’s hard. We are always learning and this means that there are some things which need to go wrong for us to learn the lesson.

Even those of us who are the most experienced, don’t always get the outcome we were expecting and feel that we’ve got it wrong.

Congratulate yourself for taking the step to give someone the gift of feedback.

For information on face-to-face group training or individual coaching on performance management email karen@promoverecoaching.com
Karen Hennessy-Coles is the Mary Poppins for small businesses. Helping build amazing leadership teams who can develop the desired workplace culture, to help the business thrive.